Showing posts with label Me vs Brain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Me vs Brain. Show all posts

Gotta love

I bought cds few weeks ago. With the intention of keeping them for collections. So until today, I haven't unpacked from their wrapping.

Sayang dowhhhh

So what I did, I went to spend my time listening to their songs on Spotify. Hahaha.

Cokot ehhhh

Gotta love things I did for now... Gotta love things that I do and things I will do. Gosh. I need to set my foot at Japan soon.
Really need to go there.
Without any particular reasons. I just want to go and breath the air. Childhood dream....

Aaaaaa. BlackBerry. I need to get myself one too. Seriously. This is so serious. I tell you.

I got no feelings

Still got no feel to do typing. Wanted to write something but I left my notebook at home. So, I just write everything on my mind, for now.

Many things going on this week.
Few things I just don't get it.
I don't understand it. Or maybe am just being too ignorance.
The fact that I don't want to know something that isn't related to me.
But somehow it does. And it's affecting me too.
I wanted to type them out here but never mind.
I'll just keep them to myself.
All I can say, I have already meet few of the worst many many years before, so perhaps these are just minor.

This is May, and I dare to say that the way is getting rough for me. At least for me.
From family matters to personal matters to works... I don't know.

Dealing with human is totally a burden for me. It annoys me sometimes. I mean, most of the times. Especially when they did wrong but acting innocent. How rude that could be...
And me, not knowing anything feeling dragged by that. How crazy is that sound to you...
It doesn't make any sense too. When I came to know about it, I was like, really? When did that happen? How? Who involve? They really did that? Behind our back?  How surprised that could be... And me, I never expect it by the way. Just considered yourself lucky enough to meet me since I don't complain about people, and I still can jaga hati orang lain, can still jaga your air muka.
Seriously. Think before you act. That's why I just ignored and buat tak tahu jak.

Am I getting them out now? Telling everything that's in my mind right now? Owh, maybe. The things I observe now, I feel so like "Please get me out of here!". I need a break before come back again next semester. Seriously since what had happened during my university years taught me a lot on how to ignore certain type of people.

I really need a break to reset my brain activities. I need to reset everything.
Next post please.

And meanwhile, my friend was like

Hahahaha😄😄😄😄😄😄

Last few weeks, I told her to watch One Night Sleepover Trip episode 1 until 3 since she's a VIP. I told her, you must watch them. Today she's watching first episode and she's in tears. I can hear her sobbing from my own cubicle here. Hahahahaha
 By the way, I don't considered myself as an ARMY but I do following BTS. I thought to post something on Singularity. How can you not love V's voice???? *melting*
Lets move to the next post. Am done dealing with my rant here. Whatever lah. 

Life as an educator: Part 2

You see, there will always be ups and downs when you are in this field. As an educator, I've been through the bittersweet of teaching life. I may not have that vast experience. From my own perspective, I think I had seen enough, although it may not be that enough. It just enough for me.

Do you want to know what keeps me happy? What keeps us the educator happy?

From my own experience, it would always be words. Words like thank you, it's nice having you to teach us, we'll meet again next semester. Hahahaha, you never expect that, didn't you?

Honestly, those kind of words keep me overwhelmed, keep me feeling appreciated by my students. It even help to cure and relieve my stress.
I may not show you how much I love hearing those words, but if you look closely, you will see my little smile at the end.😊😊😊😊😊

For me, I just don't need fancy stuffs or gifts or foods from students. The words that you utter to me that I normally and always remember the most. And the most expensive gift, the most valuable gift that I expect from you is to see you excel in your academic, and also in your life after you graduate. I'll be thankful enough for I know I've done my little part in shaping you. That is what I called life.

Since it's almost the end of semester February 2018, few more days before the final exam starts, few students came and brought food. Received cupcakes the other day, thank you very much. I truly appreciate it. Received fried bee hoon yesterday too, thank you very much. I was on diet, but never mind, I ate them by the way. Hahahaha





Save me: Happy 7th Anniversary!!!

*long sigh*

I know, it's not a good thing to sigh.
I just can't help it.
See, I have works to complete by this week.
But then, it seems like I lost my motivation.
Or maybe because am lazy to get things done.
Or maybe, maybe, because I have this laid back attitude when it comes to things like these.
Things will not get done until few hours or few days before they need to be completed.
I don't know. I just don't know.

Can someone just save me from all of these?

My mom always complained on these before especially when I was in high school. I was just too laid-back and did not push myself that enough to strive for the best. I have the brain, but not the attitude. My attitude depends on how I see things. If I feel it's crucial to get it done, I will always work it on to meet the best end. If I see thing in a way that, it's not something important, it'll be like, I'll get it done later.

This attitude thing.

It's such a problem. For me.

You see, I keep on coming back to this post and update it. Ideas don't come just like that. Am bad at expressing it too. I looked at the date on my desktop, and guess what???

Tomorrow will be the 7th year of Appaz's Place. Huhuhuhu
It has been seven years since my first post on the 13th April 2011. Huhuhuhuhu

Seven years of on-and-off relationship with this blog.
I changed the title few times, I changed the link twice. The older link of this blog before this was www.appazsplace.blogspot.com. I deleted my old blog and the link (and lost the old statistics. Ahahaha. The numbers of visitors on the old link before this was pretty good than the latest link), and created a new one (www.mzappa.blogspot.com which is the one am using now).

And massive thanks to my university buddy, Deideian, for introducing me to this platform. I used to write diaries before. I mean, a lot of diaries. I had more than three, and every year I would always write a new one. Damnit. Those were the times...

Writing things digitally and doing it traditionally are just totally different.

Seriously.
I always have things running on my mind which I express better when I have them written down.
When typing, ideas running away, not want to be expressed here. If it's too personal, I don't put them here. Some things are better to keep in private. More safe.
And there are things better to be written down here.
Why? Since I have no ideas on who are the people that come across this page.
So, I just don't mind it at all.
I don't know you, and you don't know me.
That's how things work for me when ever I post something in this blog.
😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

For me, it's just good to put things up here. There are times where I just search up for my old posts and read them. It makes me like, owh, I was like that before, I didn't know that. And sometimes, it makes me like, I shouldn't repeat the same things ever again, I could be better.
It's like a personal journal where I can always reflect on my self.

It's nothing much here, honestly.

I don't do review, I don't do post that are useful to other people. It just that, I do this for me. Just for my own pleasure. To accommodate my free times, to fill up the emptiness whenever I feel so... I guess it's just a real definition of doing whatever I want to do, depending on my time, whenever I want, whenever I feel like doing it...

It's a SATISFACTION and also a HAPPINESS.


Anyway, Happy 7th Anniversary, Appaz's Place!!!!


Such a lame, nerdy first post. And still the lame-ist until today.👆👆👆👆👆👆
*feeling meh*


GOOD FRIDAY, MARCH 30TH, 2018

Just finished attending Good Friday mass at Carmelite Chapel. Now waiting for my cousin to fetch me. Feeling light after the mass. Got to do the veneration of the cross too. Really thank you, God, for giving me this time.

Called my mom too few seconds ago. The celebration of Paschal at our village will be fantastic. They already start doing preparation for today till Sunday. I haven't celebrate Holy Triduum at my village for quite some time. Years, I guess, since am based in this city. Maybe next year or years to come. Hopefully am still breathing by the time. Hehehe

This year too celebrated with my cousin, Aci, and her family. This is the second year, I guess, since I attend at Carmelite. Before this I went to Cathedral. But then, I tried to make my Good Friday more personal, hence I found my place here at Carmelite. It's more to me time. Something like that.

The weather behaves well today. Hopefully it will be sunny and calm for the rest two days till Sunday.

Anyway, have a blessed Good Friday to those who celebrate.


Maundy Thursday & Holy Triduum

Have a blessed Maundy Thursday!

(Source: Google Images)

Aaaaa.... Feeling overwhelmed. And in the same time feeling sad for it almost comes to an end... And feeling empty.....

Nonetheless, feeling grateful for being able to breath the Holy Triduum airs this year.
Thank you, Lord, for keeping me alive.

(Source: Google Images)

Have a blessed Holy Week (2018), everyone!

Lent almost comes to end..
Good Friday falls on this Friday, March 30th, 2018..

Me? Am feeling sad. I didn't do much this year. Feel like I miss the opportunity to fulfill my duties as a Catholic. Seriously.

Crisis. 

That's what I called it. 

Am just an ordinary human. You can't expect me to be devoted all the time. 

There are times where I just don't have faith, I don't believe in anything. Not even in God. 
There are times where I really holding onto my faith. 
Feeling like a part time Catholic. That's the exact word to describe me and my faith. 
It's like a roller coaster ride. 

I have no ideas why people keep on saying am faithful to my faith. I don't know the "faithful" is referring to what exactly. Even I don't consider myself as one. I know myself very well. 

But I know one thing for sure.

I'm really grateful for what I am today. I always told myself, God loves me too much that He keeps on giving me challenges to test me. Sometimes I failed, and there were times I made through it all. 
As for this year's Lent...........*sigh*

I don't know. You know the purposes of Lent? Go for confessions, doing charities or alms giving, fasting, praying and so on.. So just lets say I only fulfilled maybe one or two of the purposes. You know it was like, before this, I went all out and then suddenly as times passing by, I went down to almost zero. It's kinda sad... Am feeling sad for myself.

Anyway, it's Wednesday. It's Holy Wednesday (Spy Wednesday) today.

It was on this day that Judas betrayed Jesus. Jesus got betrayed, just for that 30 silver pieces.. 
How materials could turn one's to start a betrayal upon someone else....

Isn't it sad? 
What will you give me if I betray Him to you? 

May this be a lesson to us, humans, too. 

And the number 4 always makes my tears rolling down on my face.
"Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?"

Whenever they sing this part during Psalm, I really try hard not to sob.

Have a blessed Holy Week, everyone.




Thing(s) I did: Part 5- Steamed ikan sultan with tomyam flavor

Dramatic, isn't it... 😬😬😬😬😬
Am not a big fan of fish. I eat when I want to only. If not, I don't even want to touch it.
I cooked this dish two days ago. Mind you, this is not professional cooking. It just something that we have for lunch or dinner in an ordinary home. This is just ordinary food/cooking. I wanted to bake cake but couldn't find time.
The truth is am just being motionless during my leaves. And it still does not feel enough.
😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴
And I'll be back to work next Monday.

Now lets get back to our dish.
Ikan sultan stim tomyam.
Steamed ikan sultan with tomyam flavor.

That word, flavor, reminds me of Willy Wonka by Macklemore.

Recipe and method.

Ingredients:
1. Tomyam cubes (Dissolve in warm water. You can pour the mixture into the fish before start steaming. Or you can stir fry the mixture with the ingredients below, then pour everything onto the fish after 15 minutes of steaming the fish. I opted for the first method as I tried to cut off oil in food. I used the brand Knorr. You can use whatever brands you want)
2. Lemongrass (You will need two or three. I used two. One to be mixed with the fish, one to be boiled in the water for steaming)
3. Ginger (Slice thinly. The more, the better. It helps to get rid of the fishy smell. The same with lemongrass)
4. Red onion and garlic (slice thinly)

Refer to the photo below

Next stage.
Scattered all over the ingredients 2-4. Before i forget, mixed well a little bit salt with the fish. I soaked the fish for about 15 minutes with tamarind water. Then put the fish on top of the ingredients. Then mixed the rest of the ingredients with the fish. And next, pour the tomyam mixture onto the fish.

Refer to the photo below

Moving to the next stage.
I waited for the water to boil before I placed the fish tray inside the steamer. I put one lemongrass into the water so that the aroma absorb into the fish while steaming. Just crushed the lemongrass and let it boiled together with the water. Once the water boiled, place the fish tray into the steamer.

Last one.
I steamed the fish for about 30 minutes. Once the fish eyes changed color, consider it cooked. But then check again. But then again, steamed fish doesn't take long to cook.

Ok. That's all. That's a wrap for things I did. I don't think I cook starting next week since am back to work.
Life would be like go to work, come back home and normally foods are already prepare by my auntie.
Thank you, auntie, for taking care of us.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Watching MTV. Mic Drop is playing right now.
My favorite. Why? He may not be as handsome as the rest of the members but he certainly has an aura of an attractive personality.
And his smile. And his brain, his thoughts.
It's totally infectious.😇😇😇😇😇



My mood for today

I had to part my way with BlackBerry. Sad? Of course. Been using the brand since 2012. Loving the phone very much. The performance of the battery was totally superb. It was totally friendly user. But then the sad thing is that they didn't catch up with apps. I had to make hard decision to change into other brands that could support Whatsapp. Just because of that. Since my work communicates a lot using the app. Hard, huh...

So I got myself a Huawei. Just a mid-range phone. I don't plan to keep it for a long time. Still planning to get the latest BlackBerry. Lets see if I can cope myself with this brand.

Am still on leaves, but I didn't tell anyone about it. I just want to spend my leaves quietly. Without anyone nagging or trying to get me to go for a meet up or hanging loafing around. It's not that am trying to sush people away. I just need my time to be alone, to stay quietly without moving around a lot.

Close friends? Can be counted using fingers. But they are not around. We parted ways because of the nature of our works and life. The last time I met one of them was last year? During her daughter birthday party. After 3 years of not meeting each other. The other one is in Kapit, somewhere in rural area.

Want to know how we keep those friendship alive? And why we consider ourselves close friends?

I normally considered the two my bff. As long as our friendship going on, we never give or put pressure to one another. We catch up with one another when we really have time. It is never like we must or should meet whenever we are in the same town. If we can make it, we shall pop up at your place. Something like that. It is never an issue when we couldn't. No pressure at all. We contact one another when we want to. Sometimes with just a simple text like how are you? Then, silent again. But never pressure one another with something like, why you didn't reply my text or whatsoever.

That's how this friendship still lasting. No pressure. And when we feel like something is going wrong with any of us, the text receives would be like, are you ok there? That's what we called instinct. Weird, huh, the way we maintain our friendship. That's why I never hesitate to call the two my bff.

And me, I seem like an outgoing person, but the real me, am not. Am just an introvert. That's just me. People don't seems to believe because I keep on showing the opposite side. It's a hard thing to do. I keep on showing the opposite side of me because the nature of my job. I often use my leaves to shut myself down from my surrounding. I need to gather my strength back before I go back to my work. Am glad I survive. Of course am just a human. There are always times where am feeling so broken.. I shed tears, I take my time, and then gather myself together again. Stand tall once again.

As an introvert, I don't hate people. It just that it's not on my importance lists. Hard to understand an introvert, isn't it? People mistaken an introvert like me a lot. But am glad that two bff (Eve & Elsie) understood me well. I really thank God for these two. There's another two friends too. These two almost similar to me. I guess that's why I get along well with them. Azie and Catherine. It is like am seeing a mirror. I could see my reflection in them. I guess an introvert spots another introvert very well. 😁😁😁😁

Am on Spotify now. Music is the best theraphy. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Thing(s) I did: Part 3- Tauge goreng and ikan goreng

Next.
Tauge goreng @ stir fried bean sprouts with garlic.

Recipe and method.
Ingredients:
1. Bean sprouts
2. Garlic (crushed)

Method:
Stir fry everything in a hot oil. Mix well. Do not let the bean sprouts to overcook. You have to do it fast. Add salt to give it tastes. Or you can just add on oyster sauce.

Next.
This one was requested by my auntie. Ikan goreng. Fried mackerel with turmeric powder. Just a simple dish.
Cut the mackerel into two parts. Mix well with salt and turmeric powder. Then deep fried the mackerel.


Thing(s) I did: Part 2- Sayur labu lempah manis

Next one.
Sayur labu lempah manis.
I just hate translating everything into English. How to translate this kind of food?
Boiled pumpkin with shrimp paste. Something like that, I think.

Recipe and method.
Ingredients:
1. Pumpkin
2. Chili (depends on you. If you want it to be spicy, add more. If not, just use one enough)
3. Garlic and red onion
4. Lemongrass
5. Ikan pusuk/ Anchovies
6. Belacan/ shrimp paste

Stage 1.
Method:
Welcome the main actor for this recipe. Pumpkin. Peel off the skin and throw away the seeds. Cut into cubes. Not too small and not too big. I got this pumpkin from my kampung. My auntie planted this. Then put into the pot with water. Make sure the water level is at the same level with the pumpkin cubes. Set them aside.

Stage 2.
Method:
Ingredients 2-6, crush/grind everything. Do not use blender. If you don't have pestle and mortar, what to do... Crush/grind everything. Add into the pot and boil them together.

Stage 3.
Method:
Let them boiling. Add salt. You will get something like the photo below. The shrimp paste makes everything tastes good.