Countdown New Year 2018

I wasn't there at my hometown with families for new year.
Sad?
Nahhhh, not really.
I don't really celebrate new year. It's just an ordinary day just like other days.
Heart-ache? Oh yesssss of course. My cousin kept on sending pictures on our family group Whatsapp. They were like aaaarrgghhhh. Looked so joyous. Me felt so envied. It wasn't the celebration that I envied, just the feeling of being together, surrounded by family members.
That vibe that I love.
Ya, I know. Our family members are dominated by men rather than women. More boys than girls.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Christmas 2017 (Late post)

I went back to my hometown for Christmas last year, 2017. I spent only one night there since I had to go back to the city for work. Just came back home for Christmas mass, and had Christmas gathering home praying. And me as usual, I cooked for that day. The night before Christmas, December 24th, 2017, we celebrated my cousin's birthday. Later that night went to church for Christmas Eve mass. Then went home and started the bbq party. It was like a tradition now to gather together with all auntie uncles and cousins. We tried to go back for Christmas rather than gathering during Gawai (Harvest Festival in June). I always love Christmas because of this families gathering thing.

 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

Pictures taken by cousin. I looked awful in the photo with yellow shirt since I spent most of my time in the kitchen, preparing and cooking foods for gathering home praying.

And we managed to take family photo before I returned to the city. Not complete because the rest of aunties uncles and cousins were not there.

 

Monday me

Yeaaa.
It's starting again. It's Monday today. My throat does not feel good today. So I opt for not to have lunch today. Drinking water should be enough.

Lately I guess I retweeted and tweeted a lot on BTS.
Oh well. Blame this eclectic taste in music. You give me any kind of musics, I can still digest them well. I was searching for their old mvs. And guess what, I found the exact song I heard few years back. Way back before they got famous and I didn't even know their group name. I just remember the music. Recently I started to listen to them again.
You see, good songs, good musics will always bring you back to the roots, to the base.

Anyway, work is still going on like usual. 10 days left before I can finalize all marks. And then, owhhh. I didn't apply leave for Christmas. Because of the key in marks. Damnit. Why must during the Christmas week? I think it has been years since I had proper Christmas holiday.
This year will be different. Many things happened this year.
Am not gonna talk about it or post it here.
It's not something that should be discussed here.

I wish to end my 2017 in a quiet way. Close every chapters and leave everything behind and start a new one in 2018. Hopefully things will turn out well next year.
Am sick and tired of being hurt.
And perhaps this page will start a new thing too. I know I mentioned before everything here were randomly typed and posted. Maybe next year will be more organized.

I hope so, as the main purpose I have this page is just for me to rant and do whatever I want to do. Keep in mind, whatever I share here are something that are meant to be shared. And whatever I feel like I need to keep to myself, I never spill it here.
I still keep them with me and secrets will always remain as secrets
(am good at keeping secrets, ok. This one can be verified by my cousins and friends).
It doesn't mean that I have to tell everything here. Whatever good, whatever I feel I want to share, it will be here. If not, then no.

Arrrrggghhh. Typing this while listening to Drug Restaurant Pomade album just give me that vibe.
*Currently on Escaper*

I guess there are many things running on my mind right now.
Did I mention that I already deactivate my Facebook? Ya, I did, again. Nahhh, not for any specific reasons. It just that I need to concentrate on my work till the end of this semester. Am using only Twitter for social networking, and my email and this blog for the time being.

I'll be 32 next year. Haisshhh. Time flies really fast.
My school friend, Catherine, treated me dinner to Secret Recipe last Saturday (my belated birthday dinner treat).
Thank you, dear friend for always be there for me despite my pretty love-hate behavior. I know this friend of yours which is me, is such an annoying person. 😀😀😀😀😀
That pretty love-hate behavior of mine, I'll reveal in the next post. When I remember and have time to compose the post.

Now, see what years have done to me. Look what you've done to me. 

😚😚😚😚😚😚

Oh wait. 2006 without make up, just bare face. I love my 2006. I always had the thinking of me being too pretty, overly beautiful, and superbly attractive. Hahahaha. But seriously, I was once.
Well, time changes people. So do I.

2017 with make-up. So fake.

😁😁😁😁😁

Have a nice weekend!

When me just being me...
This morning I was like, ok, i will start with marking later on after lunch. Owh yesszerrrr I did the marking, but not come to two hours I gave up.
Muahahahaha
The biggest challenge of being an educator.
Marking and scoring. I have no problem when it comes to calculation subject, but sadly this semester I was given more on reading subjects than calculation.
I marked everything for my calculation subject. And moving on to the next one, I managed to mark three groups only which means 6 reports.
And guess what, I have 142 essays to read and score, 30 infographics to mark, 36 reports to read and mark.

 Don't be fooled by these stack of papers. It looks ok in the photo but wait till you have them in hand and count them.

And I just have no idea where to begin. It is always the same problem when it is nearly the end of the semester.
Dear motivation, please do not leave me. Be by my side for these two weeks. Am begging you.
Huhuhuhu😢😢😢😢😢😢
Another problem when doing work in the office is this pc/desktop. See, I have problem doing few things at the same time. When I work, I hate to be distracted. In this office my main distraction is my own desk, my pc. Its keeps calling me to surf YouTube.😁😁😁😁
Seriously.
I think the ICT department should temporary disable the internet connection during this hour. (Think, but please don't do this to us. Hehehe)
Hehehehe (Bulak jak. Eksen jak. Kelak mun benar ICT stop internet time tok, alu mohaaaa😛😛😛😛)
So what I did is just put aside my work and begin to type these things. Hahahaha
It's ok. I plan to bring that 142 essays back home later. I'll do them this weekend.

Oh Christmas! They already put up the Christmas tree here at the academic department. Exchange gifts session will be held in another two weeks. The students did caroling here last week.

It may look simple, yet so meaningful

Christmas mode is on!

Fireeeee (BTS) 👏👏👏👏👏👏

P/s: Was listening to Macklemore albums (all three albums) and Drug Restaurant's today. And it's raining heavily out there. Kuching! Oh Kuching!

BTS Fever

It's a fever.
Still can't moving forward. Watched their performance on American Music Awards 2017. They were awesome. Very good! Except that the production muted the fan chants/ screamed or whatever they called it. But overall, it felt overwhelming.

Looking forward on Mic Drop on The Ellen DeGeneres Show.
Loving their fancam on Jimmy Kimmel.

#BTS "Go Go"

Hukh hukh hukh. Ehhemmmm
Sorry.
I was accidentally watch the video on Go Go last week.
See, I love watching people doing public dance cover. And I found BTS "Go Go".
And seriously, it captured my heart. The dance routine they did. Only after that I searched for the mv by the original group. BTS. Call it whatever you want. Before this, I already know the name, I remembered them by the name Bangtan Boys (they have quite a number of names) but never really listen to their songs. I know Fire, but never watch the mv. (Only recently I started to dig into YouTube and watch their mvs)

Then last week, I discovered "Go Go". The public dance cover done by Yours Truly. And I was like, auuwwww. The music immediately hooked into my mind. Few days after the discovery, then I watched the mv. It was awesome. Seriously. Not long after that, the name BTS went crazy. I was like, am I that lucky to discover them just before the name goes wild? Hahahaha

Now, am looking forward to watch them appear on famous live shows in the US especially MTV AMA 2017. Everybody loves MTV. I mean, who doesn't?

And I watch them like a proud sister on YouTube. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

ARMYS? Aaaaaa. Nope, am not (Well, am trying to make my friend into one. Hahahaha). Am not at that level yet (since I have eclectic taste in music), not qualified to be called as one. Anyway, wishing BTS all the best and hopefully this will be a good start for them to be recognized as one of the best band ever in the world. Globally. And to all ARMYS worldwide, you are the best! BTS can go really far as they have a strong fan base.

💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

(Sources: Google Images, Twitter.com, #BTS)

My very first CARLO RINO

Hehuhehuhehu
Thank you to Susie and husband and son for the birthday gift.
My first Carlo Rino. Cute.💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

Unboxing the gift

Minum-minum and chit-chat before saying goodbye

Thank you once again.🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇

P/s: Cluse, please... Anyone? Yuuhhhhuuuu😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

Happy birthday, Moon!

I told myself to write something on my birthday. But I end up with nothing as I wasn't feeling well on my birthday. Sad haaaa...

Thank you to all who wishes me on my birthday. In fact because I posted up the celebration two days earlier than the exact date, most of friends and family wishes me earlier. Hehuhehu

Thank you to cousins (Kak Zeti, Kak Jalot, Bujang, Hana, Aizat, Tyrah) and family for the surprise birthday celebration.
And we also celebrated my auntie and uncle wedding anniversary. Yuhuuuuuu!!!!
💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

Terharu😚😚😚😚😚😚

And also to my mom. Huhuhu. I know I don't and I have no idea how to express my feeling. I always love and care for you although I don't show much. I just don't know how.💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

And.. The ANDs never ends. Hahahaha

I give you photos. I have to go after this. Attend Oath Taking Ceremony for new students at 10am.

 Happy 40th Wedding Anniversary, auntie & uncle!!!

From cousin's perspective

From my perspective

 The moral is NEVER LET ANYONE TAKE YOUR PHOTO

😅😅😅😅😅😅

Makan-makan time!! We had spaghetti, soto bandung, dhal ayam and later I update again

Photo with families

Revert back

I reverted back the title of this blog to Appaz's Place. It's hard for me to ignore that name and using Comma... Dot. I started off this blog as my personal place and hence using the name as the title. So, that's all.

Is this some kind of announcement?😙😙😙😙😙😙

"After my death, I will let fall a shower of roses. I will spend my heaven doing good upon earth. I will raise up a mighty host of little saints. My mission is to make God loved..."

~ St. Therese of Lisieux~

Whoever come across this page, may you receive the sign that you truly needed. May you find the right way in finding your path. 

👼👼👼👼👼👼

 

Sneak peek - Work

Okayh. Still hard to find time to update myself here. (lame excuse)
Let's take a peek on how my schedule looks like this semester. Currently am using this one. Still need few changes here and there since my research day is still TBD. Schedule packed.

Taaaddddaaaaaa

Work till you drop.

👊👊👊👊👊👊👊👊👊👊

Here comes October...

Hola!

Nothing to type. Just that I feel like I need to type something. But since the surrounding does not permit me to update, hold this first. Will update soon.
Just start new semester today.

Ya ya ya
Am back at work.
👏👏👏👏👏👏
After on two weeks holiday, here I am.

Another thing is have a blessed journey in this month to all Catholics out there.
It's the month of rosary. As for me, I try to do my best to not miss any single day reciting Rosary prayer. Pray for me so that I may do well till the end of this month. And I pray that you will end your beautifully too.
🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇

P/s: My birthday is on the October 17th. *cough cough*
Hadiah (gift/present), please...😄😄😄😄😄

Don't...

For now, just leave me alone.

Do not try to find me or even contact me. Just leave out from my sight.

I don't think I want to talk or see you at the moment.

Until when, I just don't know. Give me space.

I need time to be alone, without your present. It can last for a day, a week, a month or years.. I don't know.

All I know is, just don't......

Crushing me down

Thank you for crushing me down. The dream I had before was crushed down once again yesterday. Keep on repeating. I always dream of one big family, just like other people. And yet dad crashed them down again. Not once not twice, more than that.

I don't think I want to get involve anymore with any of them.

Seriously.

This is the first time where I feel like I just don't need any of them anymore. Why should I stay when they keep on crashing me? My dream? I thought things changed, but am wrong. Again.

I tried to fit myself in into this Jimmy's family. I thought everything is getting better. It turned out worst. I don't think they feel or have the same dream as mine. Dreaming to have a better family relationship, where everyone can just talk to each other, spend time like other family, get closer and get to know one another. Instead of all those things, we all drifted away. And it is always the same problem. Scandal and women. Reason? The same all reasons. Everyone is not good to each other, for one another. It turned out like toxic. So I guess all the time we had before this they were all fake. For the sake of the public eyes and the people surrounding us.

I guess, mom is correct all this while. Now I understand everything. Up to this point, it all makes sense. Mom was just trying to protect me from all these troubles. She keeps on telling me not to get close to dad and his new family. Me as myself, the desire of a child to be closer to her dad, and I did all I could just to get to know them better. The people I didn't know for almost half of my lives.

And what I get in return, Dad is always the same, I guess he will never change. The more I be closer to them, the more I get drifted apart. The more I get to know dad, the more uglier the facts I know. The more I try to understand them, the more scarier things I found.

With all these things that happen, am glad mom got divorced by him long long time ago, when I was 6 years old.

I had lived my life hard than the rest of the people I know. And I don't think I want people to make my life harder than before. Am done with all this. And am glad God has never once abandon me despite all those things. Because of all these things, I value my mom and our lives together more than anything else.

It is better with things just between me and mom. Without the present of dad....

#Shatteredmanytimes
#Theend
#Stoplookingforme
#Ihadenough
#Amdone

Thank you

One of million reasons

I love myself

Late post Raya 2017

Forgot to upload these photos. Need no elaborations. Too lazy to type.

Now you have the idea on how we celebrating Raya in Sarawak. I guess, as for our families, we celebrate almost all Malaysia festive seasons except for Deepavali. None of the family members marry to Indian. 

😃😃😃😃😃😃😃

Vatican City

This was all the way from Vatican City. My colleague went there for a short vacation with her family. Then, walla! She got me this.
Huhuhuhu😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Thank you for this gift.
I wish I can set my foot there too.... One fine day....

Medaglia Di San Benedetto

Semester June 2017

Got this workloads before I was off for holiday. Only yesterday I retrieved them from my work email. Felt like choking when I saw the subject Introduction to Statistical Analysis. Part of me love calculation, and the other part of me just hate it.
This is a love-hate relationship. 🙅🙅🙅🙅🙅🙅🙅🙅
God, give me strength to go through this semester. I really need it.🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

A blessing from above: MOTHER

Managed to capture this old photo of my mother. I didn't remember I ever upload her photo here. So, this is it.

P/s: Do not steal any photos from my page. They are all personal photos. Handle with care. Nice to see, but not to download.

When me just being me...

See, am a big fan of watches. I love them more than other things. But I don't wear any. I just love to see it. I have one, Casio, that I got during our college annual dinner two or three years ago. They said, its worth around RM200-RM300. I was thinking to resell it. Hahahaha. Kidding only. I would rather have the watch in front of me without wearing it than to sell it to someone. Because I love it very much, the watch is still in its original package. It is only for displayed at the moment.😁😁😁😁😁😁

The next on my must-get-myself-one lists is any collections of watches by CLUSE. Seriously omg omg omg.
I just cannot say anything. You don't have to lure me with any other brands as I don't feel interested at all.

Just say CLUSE, I'll be lost in lust.

Errrrkkkkk.

Please, no offense.

Not that kind of lust.

You know what I mean, right.. Please stop that thinking.

The La Roche Petite Rose Gold White Marble looks stunning.

Whenever I feel down, I just look at the things I really want. It gives me motivation. 

Few years back, I wanted to buy a laptop. I got myself one, with my own money. 

I wanted a job with high salary. 

Guess what? I got it. 

I wanted a full of freedom in life. And I got it, I went through that kind of life I dreamed of. In and out of the clubs, got drunk and clubs? 

Up to one point where I felt my life seemed miserable. I stopped. 

Then I wanted to buy a car. And yes, I bought one, with my own money, but of course laaaa on full loan. Hehehe. 

And I lost that car in an accident. 

Then I wanted another car. And I got one after for almost a year I didn't have any. On full loan too. Heh. 

I wanted a home. Guess what? God is always good all the time. And all the time, God is good. Am building one, together with my mom. And am currently staying with my auntie's family, practically a place that I can called home, with a big and great family. I love all of them, despite our different religions. 

Sarangheyo, everyone!! 💖💖💖💖💖

I wrote all above during the hard times I went through in 2011. In my diary. Looking back at those times, I had no proper jobs, financial problems, got dumped by my ex-boyfriend, lost myself on my way back to God's home... If possible, I just don't want to look back at those times. I don't mind saying or typing these things here.  Just like the accident I involved in and I lost the car, I ended my one-year teaching contract. In one year, I had almost all the things I wanted. And in the blink of an eye, God took away them from me. I drifted away with those privileges given by Him to me. It kept me separated from Him. By keeping myself to look back, reminding myself of the past, it actually helps me to be thankful with everything I have now. To remind me that everything I have now is just a loan from my Creator above. If God wills it, it happens. If He doesn't will it, it will not happen. I learned my lesson in a tough way.

It may not be that vast or splendid or superb or super-duper rich, but it is just enough to make me happy, to make my mom happy, to make everyone around me happy. I really thank God for all the hard times. Because of those hard times mold me into me today.

OMG. Am I getting to melancholy here? Too deep, isn't it? If you read this, don't ever think your life stop during your hard times. You must believe it is just a beginning to a better one. With condition, you must work hard in order for you to get into a better one, with the ways that God approves. With the right and correct ways according to God.

Alright. Next move, am going to get myself a CLUSE and hopefully to further my study. But of course I have to wait till the house is completely build.

My education loan... 

Haaaaaaaaaaa😫😫😫😫😫😫

Arrrghhhhhhhh😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

Hehehehe🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉

PTPTN, you have to wait, haaaaa.. I already pay u 10k. The baki baki, sabarrrr haaaa.. I fulfill my duty as a child to a mother first by completing the house first for my mom, then I get back to you. Huhuhuhu😭😭😭😭😭😭

Excited excited excited😄😄😄😄😄😄😄