Crushing me down

Thank you for crushing me down. The dream I had before was crushed down once again yesterday. Keep on repeating. I always dream of one big family, just like other people. And yet dad crashed them down again. Not once not twice, more than that.

I don't think I want to get involve anymore with any of them.

Seriously.

This is the first time where I feel like I just don't need any of them anymore. Why should I stay when they keep on crashing me? My dream? I thought things changed, but am wrong. Again.

I tried to fit myself in into this Jimmy's family. I thought everything is getting better. It turned out worst. I don't think they feel or have the same dream as mine. Dreaming to have a better family relationship, where everyone can just talk to each other, spend time like other family, get closer and get to know one another. Instead of all those things, we all drifted away. And it is always the same problem. Scandal and women. Reason? The same all reasons. Everyone is not good to each other, for one another. It turned out like toxic. So I guess all the time we had before this they were all fake. For the sake of the public eyes and the people surrounding us.

I guess, mom is correct all this while. Now I understand everything. Up to this point, it all makes sense. Mom was just trying to protect me from all these troubles. She keeps on telling me not to get close to dad and his new family. Me as myself, the desire of a child to be closer to her dad, and I did all I could just to get to know them better. The people I didn't know for almost half of my lives.

And what I get in return, Dad is always the same, I guess he will never change. The more I be closer to them, the more I get drifted apart. The more I get to know dad, the more uglier the facts I know. The more I try to understand them, the more scarier things I found.

With all these things that happen, am glad mom got divorced by him long long time ago, when I was 6 years old.

I had lived my life hard than the rest of the people I know. And I don't think I want people to make my life harder than before. Am done with all this. And am glad God has never once abandon me despite all those things. Because of all these things, I value my mom and our lives together more than anything else.

It is better with things just between me and mom. Without the present of dad....

#Shatteredmanytimes
#Theend
#Stoplookingforme
#Ihadenough
#Amdone