~~Feeling

It's 17th December 2012 today.. I'm feeling a bit worry... Don't know why is everything so confusing now... Maybe because of yesterday or the day before yesterday... And I don't know how to tell everything.. Get so worry lately.. Have many things to think and to figure out before the new year comes... Ya I know, it's very hard for me to share anything as I prefer to keep it by myself... Sharing is caring??? Naahhhhh... not applicable in these modern days.... Bad, huh??? When I start to worry over something, I'll get nervous and some other time I'll feel like to puke... Aaarrggghhhhhh.. That's the worst state in my life.. I always get away from challenges in my life.. always get through no matter what.. I believe God is always be by my side to help me to get through everything.. I love you, God.. And no matter what happen always keep me close to you.. Career is always giving me these sort of feelings.. Look happy from the outside, but inside no one knows.. Who is the person on earth that is not worry about career?? Should be at this age I already have a steady career.. I can't be on a contract basis job all the time. In a long term, it will be a bit wasting of time for me.. Should or should not... Go or not going.... Dare to take the risk or just back off... I also don't know which one to choose. It's nearly Christmas.. I love Christmas.. Christmas never fails to keep me happy.. :)
 This time, I'll be celebrating in Kuching. Not going back to my village.. actually I prefer to be back to my own village but then because of certain reasons, can't go back this year. Perhaps after Christmas then can go back.. And it will be nice if everyone is back home, just like Gawai.. Gathering with aunties and uncles, with cousins, nieces, nephews... But this time it will be a bit quiet as my auntie just passed away about a month ago... Stopping tying for a few moments just take some ideas.. hahahahaha!!! Sometimes I just have so many things to say, but some other times, I just don't know how to type them out.. Ngeeeeeeeeeeee... And there I go, log in log out log in log out in out in out in out.... Still nothing.. Arrrghhhhhh.. Crossing finger and hoping for something to appear.. Dear God, don't give me hard times.. I'm afraid that I can't face it alone.....

~~10th November 2012

It's Saturday! Seriously, I feel a bit empty without school, without those kids... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..... What do you expect??? I've been with them for almost a year, for almost 12 hours per day, 5 days out of seven... Haaaaaaaaaaa.... Sad, of course.. But still hoping they will do their best in their studies. Life has to move on no matter what happen. Me too, need to move on. This is a life-cycle as an educator. You can tell that anything can happen.. Going to continue this later.. Need to go to fetch my cousin from work.

28th September 2012

This is my second attempt of typing something as I lost everything that I had typed just now.. Damn... Now I don't know what to tell.. Lost all the words.. Bad news or good news, I can't tell you which one.. A part of me felt the relieved of it, part of me telling me now it's time to work hard to find a new job.. Just like what I expected before, they didn't renew my contract.. So, ya that's it. What else to say...

Confession: I may not show it, but I feel something will be missing from my life.. Those students that I teach.. Believe it or not, I love them.. I may not show it as this is my job, teaching is teaching.. Being a part of those students is another side that I have to set a line... For almost a year I spent with them, I don't even have a proper social life.. That's the sacrifices that I have to make when I accept the job before.. Hopefully the students will continue to work hard next year. Hopefully they will do their best in their educations.. Gonna miss them.. :)

 Job: Haaaaaaaaaaaaa... Still eager to continue with my plan.. hehehe.. but again still not sure whether to do it or not... Hhhhmmmmm.... Let's wait within these three months.. Praying for the best.. I'm a believer. Put all my prayer and hope in God's hand... He knows the best for His children.. Amen. :)

Love life: Arrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh.... Seriously, I'm not ready for anything.. I just love my life now.. I don't want any commitment... Spending my time with family and friends because I missed most of my time to be with them before.. So this is the best time for me to spend my time to be them..

Social life: Oh-hooooooooo.. I love this part.. Clubs, cafes, restaurants.. That's where I spend most of my time with friends and family... Clubs on weekends.. During peak times like now where I have to prepare exam papers, I stop going to club.. Buzyyyyyyy..  Even to dine outside also I can't find the perfect time... Can't wait for holiday..

Reflect back... 8th September 2012.. Saturday...

I don't know why I got so emotional yesterday during sunset mass.. Everything went smooth until the very last mass where I broke into tears... I couldn't help it.... The feeling and the things that happened, it's already a year but it seemed that I couldn't get rid everything from me.. Looking at where I used to sit during mass with him, it just robbed my heart away.. And the question where did we do wrong always appear in my mind and I just can't get any answer for the question.. but God knows what is the best for me.. And with faith, I trust in Him as He will lead my way... Believe that everything happens for a reason, give thanks for everything.. bad things never come from God.. Good things come from God, bad things happen because of human faults.. I always remember those to keep me strong and be tough in my heart.. Sometimes I seemed lost in my life, but most of the time, I will get my way back to God.. And I am very thankful for He is always there for me to guide me whenever I need him to be there.. without doubt.. Maybe that's why I broke into tears in the church yesterday.. Thank you for everything You have given to me, dear Lord... I may not understand everything but I give and trust my life and my destiny in You, God.....

The Man Who Sold The World....

My favorite......

Whenever I feel down, I listen to this song.. It helps to lift up my mood... I just smile when I listen to Kurt Cobain, especially when he played that lead guitar... Sound PERFECT to my ear.. He did it better than the original singer on this song.. :)

We passed upon the stair, we spoke in was and when Although I wasn't there, he said I was his friend Which came as a surprise, I spoke into his eyes I thought you died alone, a long long time ago Oh no, not me We never lost control You're face to face To The Man Who Sold The World I laughed and shook his hand, and made my way back home I searched for a foreign land, for years and years I roamed I gazed a gazeless stare, we walked a million hills I must have died alone, a long long time ago Who knows? Not me I never lost control You're face to face With the Man who Sold the World Who knows? not me We never lost control You're face to face Of the Man who Sold the World

~ One Direction ~

Ya ya ya ya.. Hahahaha!!! This boy band reminds me of A1... Oh, I was so into that band before.. This song was one of my favorite when I was still in high school...

13th April 2012..The classic Friday the 13th

Ya ya ya ya ya... Today is the Friday 13th... Classic, isn't it... Doing nothing.. Just online checking all those Fb things... Then watching Youtube.. Posting something on my Fb... Just the same old routines... And I don't have any ideas to type and post here... A bit lazy today..Feels like singing that Lazy Song by Bruno Mars.. Hehehehe... And I found myself in a photo being taken randomly during my cousin's wedding.. And this is the picture I like the most as this is the first time I can really see my tattoo in a perfect image....

 

This is the original picture..Now let's look at the up closed picture..In other word, the one that I cropped just now..:) 

 

And now a little bit closer...

Owh,great! A bit blurry.. Because I don't really know how to use all these adobe things... So mafan...Heiisssshhhh

The LIST

I'm a big fan of :
1. 30 Seconds To Mars
2. Neon Trees
3. Kelly Clarkson
4. Christina Aguilera
5. Michael Buble'
6. Coldplay

Ehemmmmm....Counting my holidays

Today is 9th March 2012..and it's the beginning of holidays!!! Yeayyyyyy!!!! Once again, YEAYYYYYYY!!!!! Should have screamed this word out loud at my last class...Hahahaha!!!! Happy??? OF COURSEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At last getting myself into a long restttttttttt............Haaaaaaaaaaa...Sounds NICE, isn't it???? I left my loads of work at office because I just wanna rest on these 9 days of holiday....No school things, no works, no students, no no no.....

Finallyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG!!!! It's Friday!!! But the saddest part is that tomorrow still have to go to school.. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Oh,no!! My car has problem.. Power window, urrggghhhhhhhh... Have to wait until next week to send it to the service center... Goshhhhh!!!! First car and already has problem...huhuhuhu..There must be something good that will happen next..Hehehehe..Cross finger...

My students and I.....(3)

Student : Miss, can you give me an A? Or A-?

Me : Why should I give you?

Student : Alaaaaa,Miss..Can laaaaa....boleh sik?

Me : No, I don't want to give you A or A-...

Student : I do all the work, Miss..Even correction..Then you mark there A or A-..Ok???

Me : No..I'll just write the date of marking, and put there Good or Very Good only...

Student : Please please please, Miss........

Me : No..How am I suppose to give you A or even A- with this type of work?

Student : You check first, Miss..If I did wrong, I'll do the correction, then you give me A or A-...Please...

Me : (Checking)....this is correct, this is wrong, wrong, wrong...bla bla bla...

Student : I do correction, Miss.. then you check again

Me : (After a few minutes, checking again)...I give you B..(I write down B)

Student : Adoohhhh, Miss

Me : (after the B, put an arrow down, then write A-)..I cannot give you more than this and I give A- for your effort....

Student : Thank you, Miss...Hehehehe (Happy, then turn to the others,and say)..I got an A-, what did you get?Nahhhhhh.....

Me : (Luckily you have the effort to do correction..If not, jangan harap mok dapat A- ya...)

My students and I.....(2)

Students: Miss, are you married?

Me : How many times you will ask the same question? You people asked me almost everytime when I come into your class...

Students : Owhhhh, Miss..Are you married?

Me : No....Why?

Students : How old are you now, Miss?

Me : Turning 26 this year...Why?

Students : Wahhhh, so young, Miss...

Me : Yaaaa, then why?

Students : Nothing, just asking...Miss Miss, do you like a man that is younger or older than you?

Me : Heyyyy, what type of question is that???...Why do I have to tell you?

Students : Just answer, Miss.. We want to know...

Me : I'm not going to answer that question...( Dalam hati, apa ka soalan ya? Tang pelik pelik jak nemiak zaman tok)

Students : (Whispering among themselves, but I could stil hear clearly)...I think she likes a man that is a bit old than her...

Me : (Gago juak mok tanya ciri-ciri laki nak kita suka..ngek betul)...

My students and I.....(1)

Students : Miss Miss! Do you have Facebook?

Me : Yes..Why?

Students : Can we add you in Facebook?

Me : No....

Students : Please please please, Misssssssssss.....

Me : Still no...

Students : What is the name of your Facebook, Miss?

Me :...(Giving a nice smile, and not answering)...

Students : Is it Moon Zappa or something something?

Me : No.....

Students : Owhhh, Misssssss.....

Me : If you want to add my Facebook, wait until I stop teaching you or you may add me after you leave this school...Okayh?

Students : Owhhhh...Promise Miss..Don't forget us...

Me : Okayh, I will never forget you all....(Smile)....

Dull....

Such a buzy week!!!... Now,doing nothing..I got my car yesterday..and to be exact, MY FIRST CAR!!! Yeayyyy!!! But I haven't drive it yet..hahahaaa.. Everytime I'm thinking of it, thinking how to drive it, I get nervous.. Seriously say, I get and feel very nervous..Feel like to faint and have these many butterflies in my stomach.. Bad huh??? Aiyyoooooo!!!!!..Hahahaha...strange haaaaaaaaaaaa..Still don't know how to overcome this feeling....;)
And to cut the story shorts, I haven't drive the car at all..:)

My Saturday 18th February 2012

Doing nothing..have loads of work to complete actually but I don't have the heart to do so..Feeling so restless...I guess, maybe later can start doing those...Been online since this afternoon till now because I don't know what else to do..Then suddenly, I remember the doughnut of Kakak Donut near my university..At this time, this evening, after heavy rain, I just miss her doughnut..or some called it pretzel, I think..hahaha..for whatever reasons, we called it DONUT...very nice the donut that she sells..the one that they are selling at Big Apple cannot beat hers..I still prefer hers..never went to her stall for a long time since I finished my study..O-oh, the latest news that I received, she didn't sell kuih there anymore...Uuuuuuu,where did she go?..Where to find her soft, tender, sweet and very big donut???.....

Emmmm..my auntie is cooking at the kitchen for my cousin's birthday party tonite..She cooks very well..the aroma, I tell you, very nice and very seducing..hahaha..can't wait to eat..hehehe...

Don't know what else to type here.. I don't have that much ideas to type or stories to tell..Just that I don't have anything to do at this moment..Just feel like to type something but typing without ideas will and certainly make this page looks dull...I just don't want to tell about my work because it's weekend, so better for me to say anything about my work..It makes me a bit stress...the burden is too much but can still handle...Feeling sleepy and got a bit headache...want to sleep but I know what is going to happen next..I will not sleep, for sure..

I'm counting my properties now..hahaha..I'm getting my third property next week...I just can't wait to see it..Hey,it's good because I got it with my own money, from my work, from my hardness in my work..feel so terharu and feeling sooooooooooooo..can't describe the satisfaction that I feel..

Currently on this song

"Everybody Talks"

Hey baby won't you look my way
I can be your new addiction
Hey baby what you gotta say?
All you're giving me is fiction
I'm a sorry sucker and this happens all the time
I found out that everybody talks
Everybody talks, everybody talks

It started with a whisper
And that was when I kissed her
And then she made my lips hurt
I could hear the chit chat
Take me to your love shack
Mamas always gotta back track
When everybody talks back

Hey honey you could be my drug
You could be my new prescription
Too much could be an overdose
All this trash talk make me itchin
Oh my my
Everybody talks, everybody talks
Everybody talks, too much

It started with a whisper
And that was when I kissed her
And then she made my lips hurt
I could hear the chit chat
Take me to your love shack
Mamas always gotta back track
When everybody talks back

Never thought I'd live
To see the day
When everybody's words got in the way

Hey sugar show me all your love
All you're giving me is friction
Hey sugar what you gotta say?

It started with a whisper
And that was when I kissed her
And then she made my lips hurt
I could hear the chit chat
Take me to your love shack
Mamas always gotta back track
When everybody talks back

Everybody talks
Everybody talks
Everybody talks
Everybody talks
Everybody talks
Everybody talks...back

It started with a whisper
And that was when I kissed her

Everybody talks
Everybody talks...back

12.02.2012 and today 13.02.2012

Last night, I was crying while on the bed..Couldn't stand it anymore because I miss him very much.. I don't know why suddenly I miss him since Sunday morning till I went to bed last night...Once in a blue moon so to say...Crying till I felt just like there was something heavy giving pressure to my chest..Now, I'm fine..hehehe..can laugh, can smile and everything...The thruth, I really have a loads of works to do.. but it seems like I just don't want to do any..Too much, I guess..So, here I am rocking on my blog..muahahahahaha....Bad bad girlllllll....hehehe

Iron baju also I feel lazy..Oh,how I wish I am married to a man who will allow me to be a housewife, taking care of him and our family...Every morning, sending him to the front of our house's door, watching him leaving home for work, then in the evening, waiting for him to come home....That's sound very good to me...hahahahaha

Something like this...

And also like this..

Happy, isn't it???...Haaaaaaaaaaaa..Good for imagination and to fill up my free time..:)

I admit....~~~

Waking up this morning then suddenly broke into tears because I miss you very much..It seems that I will never stop missing you..I guess I will never forget you..or maybe I will when the time comes..But for now, I am still missing you, like usual..I know deep down in my heart, I am hoping that you will come back again....
This is too bad for me..because I don't know when i will stop missing you..feel like crying again..and I hope I am not...

It's a fine evening....~~~

Today is Friday, 11th of February 2012..Now I'm at my aunt's home, somewhere in Kuching..Sipping on my hot coffee while typing this..heheheeeee..feeling so relax, but then tomorrow still have to go to school for the replacement day..Tired but fun...I don't know how long I will teach..but hopefully after 7 years I can do whatever I want to do..I have dream to pursue..I have things to set up..and I just don't know how to begin..So I give myself a very long 7 years to prepare everything...and hopefully it will start perfectly, just like the way I plan it...

How's life? So far, everything goes well, and hopefully will be better than now..Always hoping and trying hard to be better...Just can't sit still while the rest are moving forward..don't want and never want to be left behind..See, the world is moving faster than what we can see now.. It seems that everyone is trying very hard to strive for the best..I don't know about others, but me, I'm moving in that direction, for now...Looking forward to develop my own career...and trying to polish the weaknesses I have inside of me...

Arrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh, I'll be exactly 26 years old in another 7 months...I'm scared...Age is such a scary number...and I'm not ready to grow old..and I'm not ready to have a family...and I'm not ready for anything..Arrrgghhhhhhhhhhhhh..Why does it has to look scary like this? Uuurrrgggghhhhhhh....

This is one of my promises~~~~~

25^th January 2012

0028a.m.

As I told earlier on my Facebook, it is time for me to share something that I had promised before..The “Novena Tiga Salam Maria”...I am not sure how many of you know the existence of this prayer..As for me, the first time I've found this prayer when I was having problems with my boyfriend last year in April. I was not aware of any novenas before.. I went, I go to church.. I prayed, and I pray like the others...But most of the time you will never see me do it in front of you...because I still believe that no one should see you pray...You can always do it quietly without showing it to anyone..except for when you are in the church.

“Novena Tiga Salam Maria”....The most memorable novena for me..It taught me a lot, and I've learn many from it...It all started when I found the page named Bonda Maria on Facebook..I saw many people like that page..and for a moment, I whispered to myself, among all of them who clicked on the LIKE button, how many of them really read the content of the page? Or did they just click on it to show that they really know the real purpose of the page?.. So there I was browsing on the page, reading every posts that have been posted..and I've found another page called “Novena Tiga Salam Maria”.. Time orang tengah bersedih, tu lah kerja..Online memanjang..heheeee...This page I just clicked on the LIKE button..Only then I began to browse and read..And I've found the prayer...Here it is:

And I started to Google every pages, every links on the internet to find out what is that Novena is all about.. Hairan kan, I go to church every Sundays and yet I don't know anything about Novenas..Seriously say, I don't know anything about it..Pathetic....

After I read the origin of the prayer,and how it should be done and performed, for the first time, I did the prayer for 9 days 9 nights..Every nights for 9 days...The first 9 days I did the prayer, all that I asked for in my prayer was to bring back my boyfriend to me..Every nights for 9 days..Crying, sobbing, and asked to bring him back to me again..and protected him from any dangers in this world..Ironically, after I've completed the novena for 9 days, I started to think whether I did it correctly or not because nothing happened..and I started to think whether or not I should asked for things like that, etc. bring him back to me...Until about two weeks after I did the prayer, I realized instead of asking things like that, why not I asked something for me, my family, and a bit for him..So there I was doing the same novena again for 9 days..And this time with different intentions.

The first intention was to help me to get through the hard times that I had with my boyfriend..If he was not meant for me, perhaps there will come the real one...And my prayer for him was I hope he will be fine and alright and will be protected from anything that is bad..Bless and protect him and his family too..And if he is meant for me, one day he will come back but this time, he will come back dengan keadaan yang lebih baik dari sebelum ini.

The second intention was I hope everything will be alright with my family especially my mother..Keep her healthy and stronger, to keep her closer to God, protect and bless her...and hope everything will be alright for the rest of my family too.

The third intention, I believed that everything happened for a reason.. and I have faith that something good will come in my way..I wasn't ready to receive it but I hope I can handle it properly..I always remember this saying which I can't remember from where did I get it, but I keep it in my phone until now..”When things are going well for you, be glad and when trouble comes, just remember: God sends both happiness and trouble..You never know what is going to happen next..” All I asked that time was, Mother Mary,give me a job..Lord, give me a job..Jesus,give me a job..And with that job, I hope I can make a new move, and can forget everything that happened to me and him...

The fourth intention was I just said I am thankful for the friends that I have, all the people that surround me..they have been very supporting..

And lastly, show me whatever you want to show me..I don't have to ask around, I don't have to tell everyone..but if you want to show me something, just show me...

And I did that novena for 9 days...9 days in a row...at the end of the novena every nights for 9 days, I concluded it with two promises..The first one, if any of my intention that is fulfilled, I'll tell and spread the Novena around.. I shall tell this novena...Tell what it had done to me,and what had happened..The second one, before I go to sleep and after I wake up every morning, I shall say the prayer Hail Mary...I did and still doing and hoping that I'll never forget to do the second promise..and the first promise, I shall fulfilled it today and hoping that you will start doing the novena, regardless you are in troubles or not..In my case, I was lucky to found this novena..I felt so hopeless and lost when I first found it..And I am very thankful after what I've received today..Not long after I did the novena, I got a job..Now, I have a job even better than the first one..I'm very thankful for it..And I've been shown with many things...Most of the things hurt me inside, but I really thank God for showing those to me..I couldn't mention here, a few of my friends knew about it..I shared a lot with them..Just like what I said before, I am truly thankful with my friends that I have....And to Mother Mary, thank you for hearing me..and helping me to go through all the difficulties...I see and found many things that I never know before..I hope many people will do the novena..Don't wait until you are in trouble, then you do the prayer..I was just one of the luckiest person that have been shown with all these before something bad happen to me..

Every letters that I wrote and left at Mount Hosanna Chapel, I never forget to mention about myself, a career, my family, my friends, about him, his family...and recently, I can't believe I'm sharing this one on my blog, I replaced this prayer “Lord,bring him back to me again” to “Dear Lord, send the one who can take care of me, my family, accept everything about me and my family, accept my friends, knows how to share responsibilities, can guide me always, love me with all his heart, and care for me and ready to commit and has commitments..”

Hahahaha..seriously, that was what I've written in my letter... and often I will say, show to me when the time comes...

With the “Novena Tiga Salam Maria”, pray with all your heart..Put your trust and have faith in it..This is not for showing off, these are all that I can share with you..It's a part of my promises...Sooner or later, you will get what you want...But I don't dare to guarantee that you will get anything that you want..It is all God's will...Just have faith in it..Faith teaches you to be patient... Patient will show you many things, even on the things you were not paying attentions to....Someone told me and you can always find it in the bible, “Ask, and you will receive; seek, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you..”

And always remember this one too, “When you pray, go to your room, close the door, and pray to your Father, who is unseen. And your Father, who sees what you do in private, will reward you..” And when you pray, don't use a lot of meaningless words..Just recite the prayer “Our Father”.......And when you do deeds, you don't have to blow the trumpet to tell everyone..do it secretly...

Forgive me if I said something wrong here..This is all that I can share with you for this time being..I am not perfect, and so are you...I still do wrongs sometimes, hoping that I will never do wrong again..Sometimes I just can't help it..I'm just an ordinary people, still growing by doing mistakes, and growing by learning from mistakes too...

God bless,everyone...

Another one week~~~~

Yeahhh!!!!!!!!! Another one week, then one week holiday..Hahahahaaaa!!!!!! Can't wait for it actually..but then holiday means a lot and bundles of work that have to be done before the school starts again..One week??? It seems that it will be a long holiday but then eerrrmmmmmm not that long...Waaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!! Despise it!!!!

Thank you~~~

I want to thank my immune system for giving me this kind of allergy... Sakit laaaaaaa....... Everyday is just the same.. Ngok betul.. Cannot tahan makan ubat tiap hari.. Makinlah kurang sistem imun kelak.. What to do with this kind of allergy?????

~~ Sharing with you this song coz I have nothing to post ~~

~~~Nahhhhh..back for good..on the blog...~~~

Good evening.....~~~

Very formal, isn't it????..Well... I just don't know how to start and where to start... Have something to tell, I guess..Started my days at school since the last three days.. First day at school was on the 3rd January 2012..Attended the school meetings from 8.30am until 4pm.. What a long hours to go...Hmmmm

then on the 4th of January 2012, we had this Parents-Teachers Meeting, welcoming the students and their parents.. A bit shocked because the environment was totally different..can't tell much about it..went back at 4.15pm..

Then today, 5th January 2012, supposed to start the lesson but due to certain issues, just did the ice breaking with students and some Maths games...hehehehe..Went home at 4.15pm..My routine after school?? Ya, WELCOME BACK, MOON ZAPPA!!!! Ngeeeeeeeee:)

After back from school, went to bed, woke at 7pm, take shower dinner and everything..then doing some revision on what to teach on the next day..then go to sleep again..Wahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!... Between sleep and eating, I choose SLEEP!!! That's wonderful.. It feels like heaven...

                                                                      Just like this song...

And I called my mum today..It's her birthday..hahahahaha..funny because this is the first time I wished her Happy Birthday..and she laughed..Awkward moment!!!! Gonna buy her pizza this weekend..ngeeeeeeeee :)