Quick log in for 2026

How many years has it been since my last time here? I lost the calculation. 

It marked six years since Papa passed away. The longing is real... Kinda bit lost someone whom I could talk crap whenever I needed it... I haven't been to visit his grave. And am unsure if I have no time or I just simply have no courage? Not courage, more to I don't know...

Life has been loaded with work apparently. With people, at work specifically. My mind, my precious brain and my fragile heart. And my personal space. Families, close friends. Just the normal things. 

Still fighting for my health tho...Working hard? Macam tipu jerrr, to raise my hb to the normal level. Heh, sometimes, okkkk, sometimes, I skip my meds. Hopefully can discipline myself more. My hb from 7 something to 9 something. Hopefully in the next four months, kalau betul arahan doktor ya diikut, it should reach 12. Kata ku jakkkk...

I have no intention to keep this blog updated. For now, am gonna keep it as it is, just in case I need space to rant. Social media nowadays are no joke, people... Some people be on your soc med just to be a cctv and spread gossip about you. Just for them to spy on info about you for gossiping. Angol ku. I still keep mine private. Except for whatsapp status and my fb post. I set them public. Just to feed their eyes, and mouth, to give them topics for their deeeeepppppp discussion. Hahahahaha evil.

Gawai went well but quite dull. Few cousins and their families did not go back for the celebration. So a bit sunyi lah. I dyed my hair to blue black and half brown. Thought to do the extreme one but then, baru teringat pekerjaan saya. So, niat batal. Tattoo still three, still in search for design and meaning before getting another one. Nahhhh, am not rushing for thing like this. You are not gonna rush in getting one and regret it for the rest of your life. 

BTS is coming to Malaysia in December. Tickets are sold out. And the price ish ish ishhhh. And they sold it during Gawai week. Telan aek lio jak nangga rega and yaaaa, dekat tapi jauh. Maka kita berhuhuhu saja lah. 

I told my friend before this, next birthday celebration, let's do it in a club. Let's go drunk, like doing it for the last time, and have fun.😁😁😁 And they were like, yes cannn, but we will wait for you outside, and you can just go ahead have fun inside. And I was like, whhhyyyy, that will mark our 40th birthday bahhhh. Hah, they were not keen with the idea. Dalam otak dalam hati, semangat membara. And another friend was like, anang ila ku ninga berita nyebut, seorang wanita bekerja sebagai sanuk sanuk di sanuk sanuk ditemui tidak bernyawa ketika berada di pusat hiburan. Ataupun kena tangkap polis semasa serbuan di kelab malam. Lagikkkk lahhhh imagination nak seorang ya.😆😆😆

Well, am truly blessed to have those friends I have now. Those friends who watched me during my turbulence years, without judging me knowing how I was before. Sayang semua.💗💗💗

And hellooooo 12 tahun sudah berlalu, I had and still living my life clean. Cleannnnnnnn. Hah, am proud of myself. No more alcohol, no more cigarette, no more clubs, no more nightlife. It gets calmer and peaceful now. Sejajar dengan usia dan juga kesihatan. Gitewwwwwww. Sometimes I miss it. Tapi miss it bukan bermaksud I want to get back to that life again. Noooo. It just that I miss the chaotic vibes, the loudness, the people, somehow somewhere, it did help me to go thru whatever I go thru during those years. 

Bye. For now. 

 

Keep Living

Yesterday was worst.

You know, that feeling, where it feels hard to breathe, feel choked... And you just could not describe exactly how you feel? I didn't know whether I was sad, or happy or whatever feelings or emotions you named it... Nothing. Just nothing.

I just staying quiet and let them run on my mind. Felt chaotic. It just felt like people roaming running freely on my mind. And none of them could define what exactly they want.

I laid down on bed and didn't even move. I was stuck. I changed my dp on my IG. 

You know that photo I always use whenever I feel suffocating, when I feel lost. I changed to it. 

That I Don't Want To Live and Yet I Don't Want To Die feeling.....

 

Second Day of January 2024

Helllooooooooooo 2024!!!!!!!!!!!

Today's thought: Focus and smile. Sneezing all the way😁😁😁

Am trying to update at least per line per day. Without much things to add on. Seriously life had been tough last year, hopefully this year, things will get better. It was a roller coaster ride.

Wish and hope for the best.🙏🙏🙏

July 2022

Back here for few minutes.

Still considering to delete this blog. But I will need to download all materials here before I permanently delete this page. I don't think I will continue to write here since it's hard for me to spare my time doing something else. I even deleted my Wattpad, I think so. 

Things have been more or less the same like previous years. If one day you could not find this page, know that I have already delete it. 

Thank you, strangers, for dropping by this page. May blessing be with you always.

2021

I guess it's still not to late for me to wish Happy New Year 2021 to all of you who come across this blog. Ya, am alive, living well, pretty well, I guess. And it's the month of Lent.

I haven't been here since the last time where I posted on the passing of my father. Mmmm.. Not gonna lie to you, I miss him. I miss to have conversations with him where I could talk anything to him, from politics to entertainment to relationship, literally any topics. And the feeling whenever I pass by Serian on my way back to Tebedu, I would be like, oh ok, my father is here, in Serian. The feeling that you know you have someone there... But now whenever I go back to Tebedu, the moment I pass by Serian, I would be like, things changed, father is not here anymore. But my sister and her kids are here. I just know she is here, oh I have someone here. And when I feel like to stay for an hour or two, I would call her up for a meet up. Come let's go lunch together before I head up to Tebedu. Normally I would do that when my father was around. But now not anymore. Instead of my father, my sister is here. The atmosphere is still the same, it just that the person has already change.

Naaa.. Am typing on my phone, while lying down on my bed. Feel the urge to write but like usual, I just have piles of things on my mind, in my heart, and yet I couldn't pour them all. 

Work goes well, so far. Everything goes online. Do you know how hard it is to teach calculations without seeing your students face? I feel like I've gone crazy especially when I try to explain to them step by step, one by one. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

You know what, the best thing when typing on the phone for a post here is that I can literally put emojis without checking them. But am not sure how they will look like on Web view.

I have piles of photos to upload, but I found new platform to post them up. Instagram! Gosh talking about Instagram, this is my second one after I deleted the first account and I don't follow people I know, I put it on private mode, and I literally scan whomever that send request to follow. You see, people know my Facebook, they know my Twitter, and perhaps this blog too, so I try to have private platform for me to roam around without people knowing me. I have a private Twitter, which I put on private mode too. That makes two private accounts, my insta and my other Twitter. Those places where I can just be free without worrying about people knowing me and talk shit about me. 😂😂😂

There are many things running on my mind right now. Since this work from home, I couldn't sleep well at night, I tend to get emotional. And I don't know who to talk to, whom to trust.. 

So I keep everything to myself. 

I went back to my hometown on the Ash Wednesday. Went back for three nights. It was my first time to celebrate back there after many years in the city. Since the church limited the number of people attending the mass, the Catechist went from home to home to distribute the ashes. I was like in the middle of cooking for breaking fast on that day when the Catechist came knocking on the door to distribute the ashes. 

Photo? 😂😂😂

Sorry for this messy look, messy hair. Definitely no edit, no filters and everything. I present to you, Moon, with naked face, with messy hair and messy look. 

Why did I look terrible here
Owh my hair
I guess that's how you supposed to look like after battling with cooking in the kitchen. 
🤣🤣🤣

OK-bye! Don't laugh, stop laughing. If you laugh at the photo, you will get diarrhoea the next day. 
😂😂😂😂😂

My father passed away

 It took me a while to come back here. 

This time I started it off with the news of my father's passing. He passed away on the 8th June 2020. Got a called from my cousin telling me that, and my brother called me to inform me the same news too. 

May his soul rest in peace. 

Thank you to everyone who offered their helps to our family on that day. 

Thank you for all the kind words.

In loving memory of Jimmy Adit

01/December/1955 - 08/June/2020

This was his last post for the column on New Sarawak Tribune. 

I'm gonna keep it here for a record. 

https://www.newsarawaktribune.com.my/a-day-of-plain-truth/

And these were posts written by his colleagues for him.

Thank you for the remembrances. 

https://www.newsarawaktribune.com.my/my-right-arm-has-been-cut-off/

https://www.newsarawaktribune.com.my/truly-a-painful-loss/

Thank you, everyone.

Friday food on Lent

Happy belated Easter, everyone!

I don't know how to describe my Lent.
I noticed that I was still lacking on certain parts especially when it comes to pray. That's so me.
Gosh, tried to add emoji, but the emojis won't upload because my internet connection is weak.
Life is good. Hopefully it will be good all the way till the end of 2020.
There are flaws too, I just couldn't deny. And I don't want to talk about it.
But, mmm, we'll get thru it. I'll get thru it eventually. I hope it goes the same with you too.
Optimism booster is at the max.

My anak tekak meminta kopi dari tadik. I already have 500ml iced coffee this morning. Am in the midst of trying to reduce my coffee intake, but it doesn't seem to work.
I tried, I failed. Repeat. Now, am giving it a try. Again.

Today, am gonna upload all my Friday menu during Lent. Abstinence and fasting. Except for I didn't take any photos of my food that I had during Ash Wednesday. I didn't eat anything. Just had water all the way.

Let's start!

This time I won't be translating the dish menu. Google if you want to know their names in English. If you need the recipe, email me.

First Friday

Fried bean curd, tempoyak goreng and sayur cangkuk manis goreng telur

Second Friday

Sayur sawi pahit goreng ikan bilis and fried chili fish

Third Friday

Sayur midin goreng belacan, sayur paku uban rebus halia and fried fish

Fourth Friday

Kasam daun ensabi (local kimchi), ikan bilis goreng kicap, sayur timun masak manis, sambal belimbing tunjuk, daun bandung goreng, and fried chicken for the family (since the rest of family members are Muslims, am the only Catholic here. Hehehe)

Fifth Friday

Iced coffee and rice with kari ikan pari

Owh no vegetables since the kari already contain vegetables (eggplants and carrots)

Dinner on fifth Friday

French toast

Sixth Friday

Rice with kicap pedas Mahsuri, fried egg and mixed vegetables

Good Friday!

Yeay!

This time, I didn't cook. These were all ordered foods from my favorite restaurant.

Thank you, After 4 Four Kopitiam!

After Four bean curd special, sayur cangkuk manis goreng telur, sweet and sour fish fillet, and Thai fried chicken fillet for the rest of family members

During Fridays on Lent I normally had one full meal with no meats. It would be lunch or dinner. Then, the rest of the day, I just took lots of water and had something light.
Well, this year Lent was tough. The celebration also was so different than last year.
Covid-19 has changed everything including our lifestyle, our norms. Literally everything.
Hopefully things will get better soon. Pray for everyone safety.

Owh, extra extra. I only managed to make these two during Lent.

Sweet corn castard

Mee pok goreng kerang

Ok. Bye!

Ugh

*Sigh*

Owh. Did I just sigh?

I was flipping pages of the Giacomo catalog but still couldn't decide on what to buy. Set aside. Need to clear the mind before buying. Otherwise I would end up buying unnecessary things.

Am not feeling well today. Since last night. Went back home from work yesterday, I went straight to bed and fell asleep. Couldn't even slept last night. My head ached. Couldn't even got out of bed to go downstairs to take medicine. Felt nausea when I was driving to work this morning. I told myself not to pass out during driving.

Heh.

Just sipped on iced coffee once I reached office to suppress the urge of vomiting.
Coffee. Most of the time it helps me to survive my days. And there are times where it betrays me.

Monday was yesterday. Definitely not one of my good day on weekdays. At least for this semester.
Ugh.

My head.... Am gonna wait for an hour more. If it still painful, ubat ler jawab nyer.
Ugh.

Craving for tempoyak

Today I ada rajin sikit. Got to spend my Saturday in a proper way. Just doing nothing and spent time watching tv. Since I couldn't decide what to have for lunch, I just ate mi sedap and had iced coffee. Then watched VIP. Tonight they gonna play Parasite on tvN Movies channel. And I cooked for dinner. This is a wrapped up for today.

I was craving for tempoyak since the past two days. Only today got to cook it. I don't eat durian but am so in love with tempoyak. 

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Ingredients : Tempoyak, chilli, turmeric powder, anchovies, sugar, oil (for cooking)

Can I not explain anything and just post the photos? Sorry not so sorry, forever in this life, my photo taking skill won't upgrade.

Mix well the tempoyak with chilli, turmeric powder, and sugar. 

Fry the anchovies till slightly brown. 

How do you say it? Is it crispy or crunchy? 

Set aside. Owh by the way, I did this because I want the taste of the anchovies blend well with the tempoyak. And to keep the anchovies crispy when add them into the tempoyak later on. 

😂😂😂

Fry the tempoyak till it turns brown. When it turns brown, it means that the sugar is melting. It starts to caramelised. Then add on the fried anchovies. Fry well. 

The outcome will look like this

😁😁😁

Taaaa-daaaa

👇👇👇👇👇👇

Moving onto the next one. I have no ideas how to call this dish. Ayam masak kicap? Not really. I've decided to call it Any Chicken Dish. 

😅😅😅😅

Ingredients: Chicken meat (any parts ikut suka hati kamu), ginger, garlic, lemongrass (all these 3, just slice them thinly), dried chilli (soak into hot water and cut them into two to three parts, drain them), 2 asam keping (I have no ideas how to say it in English. Kalau engkau rajin, engkau Google kan.), oyster sauce and thick soy sauce (ikut suka hati dirik empun), and oil for cooking.

Now photo time!

Do it like this👇👇👇👇

After you mixed everything, close them like this. To keep the moist

 of the chicken meats lock inside the meat. So that the meat juice doesn't vaporate into the air. Sayang jus ayam ya hilang.. Let the chicken meat cook first, then add oyster sauce and thick soy sauce. Salt and ajinomoto. Hahaha. Ajinomoto. Whatever. 

Mix well

And it will look like this

👇👇👇👇

Nay nay. Don't add sugar into this dish. I miss out one ingredient. It is a must add on. I wanted to add on but I found out it is already expired. Secret ingredient? Ha-ah.

"SESAME OIL"

This dish is not complete without sesame oil. You should add on a little bit.

Ok ok. Let's move on to the next one. The last dish for dinner tonight. Hi-ih. 

The most easiest dish. Tauge goreng. 😂😂😂

Ingredients : Tauge (bean sprouts), tauhu (bean curds), garlic, chilli (these 2 slice them thinly), salt and ajinomoto. Ajinomoto lagi. Seasoning is the greatest when it comes to cooking. 

🤣🤣🤣

Owh, oil for cooking. 

Photo time

Macam ini👇👇👇👇

Then goreng goreng macam ini. Malas aku mok explain, eh. Hati jak teringin nak upload, nak explain it's a no-no.

And at last!

Taaa-daaaa

Saja jak nak ngasak hati kitak orang. 

😏😏😏😏😏😏

Don't mind on the look of the kuali. It's antic, ok. Kuali itu sangat berharga despite of how it looks. 

😅😅😅😅😅

That were all for dinner tonight. Four minutes passed midnight now. Well spent Saturday. I thought of not going out from home today but in the end I did go out. Just because I need to buy our cats foods. 🐱🐱🐱🐱

Hanya kucing yang bisa mengalahkan aku. 

💁‍♀️💁‍♀️💁‍♀️💁‍♀️💁‍♀️

Goodbye 2019, Hello 2020!

Yup! 2019 is ended, 2020 has begun.

I went back to my hometown for almost two weeks. I spent my semester break there. Far away from electromagnetic wave. 😏😏😏😏

Did lot of things there, Christmas was well, new year was well spent too. Aaaa, I didn't take photos that much this year. We held Christmas prayer in our tiny home for the first time too.
It's the fruit season now there at my village. Sadly, I don't eat durian. So I skipped that, rambutan and langsat too, many many fruits this year. I mean 2019, until today in 2020. Some hasn't ripen yet. Anytime from now. Durian, rambutan, langsat, they are everywhere now.

These were few things I did during break. Let me show you some.

If you have never seen coffee bean before, here you go. This is fresh coffee bean. Is it? or coffee fruit? How do you call it?. Our grandpa planted one tree at the backyard. The fruits are ripen by now. It tastes sweet. I mean, you can just eat it like that and take out the seed inside. Dried it, then roast it, then blend it to get the coffee powder. 

I remember when there was no road to our village where we had to walk for about 3 to 4 hours to our village from the nearest small town. Coffee plants were everywhere. But now, it's rare. And we only have two trees at the backyard. 

And I made these for my nephews and nieces. And everyone had a taste of it. 

old time ice-cream. I wasn't sure how many times I did this. twice? Thrice? We used to make these when we were still kids. I made few flavors which were gula apong (mixed gula apong with coconut milk and warm water), F&N Cordial flavor grenadine (Sun Valley Grenadine cordial is just legend), air bandung (mixed Grenadine cordial and evaporated milk) and also carbonated soft drink Fruitade flavor by F&N too. I think F&N should send me gifts of all these products for Gawai this year. 

😄😄😄😄😄

You may want to check out other products produce by them here.

Click on this link: https://www.fn.com.my/brand/fn-fun-flavours/

And the last photos I have. I cooked ikan sultan masak lemak cili api. What do they call it in English? Searched for it. So I got something like sultan fish, mad bard and hoven's carp. 

So it's basically sultan fish cooked in coconut milk gravy with bird's eye chili. 

Ingredients

Sultan fish ( I used two, cut them into four pieces)

Coconut milk (used one small box or 200ml)

Turmeric powder (half tablespoon or depends on how yellowish you want the gravy to look like. But not too much. Half tablespoon is just enough)

Bird's eye chili (depend on how hot you want the gravy to be)

Lemongrass ( I used two)

Asam jawa @ tamarind (just one spoon to clean the fish and just a little bit to use for cooking the fish)

Salt and Ajinomoto 😋😋😋😋

Ways to cook

1. Clean the fish, take away all the stomach and everything. I told the people at the fish market to clean for me. If you take out the stomach in wrong way, the fish will turn bitter. Seriously bitter. And cut them into four pieces. 

2. Then I just mixed the fish with tamarind and soaked with water for 5 minutes. Just to get rid of the fishy smell. Then rinse off.

3. Grind or crush down the chili and lemongrass. I use mortar and pestle. 

4. Take out whatever you want to use cooking pot or just a kuali pun boleh. 

5. Pour in the 200ml coconut milk and 300ml warm water into the pot. The mixed well with the chili and lemongrass, turmeric powder and a little bit of tamarind. Put in two tea spoon of salt and one tea spoon of Ajinomoto. If you taste it less salt, you can put in later. Mix them well. 

6. After that, put in the fish into the same pot, mix well. Then put the pot on the fire. 

불타오르네? 

Bultaoreune?

Fireeeee fireeeee.. 

Then you can continue sing Fire by BTS while waiting for the fish to cook up. 

Your end product should look like this. Serve with warm or hot rice. 

Daebak!

Done! That's all for now. 

Today's mundane

October, 28th 2019, I didn't realize I was on Twitter for 7 years now. Wala!!! 

 

And I had this this morning. Iced coffee. Kopi peng. It tasted so good. 

I had maggi goreng too. Although it wasn't my forte, still I tried to finish it up. 

Then I took panadol actifast again today. Headache since yesterday. I took two also yesterday before went to sleep. And ended up I woke up late this morning and almost late to swipe in for work. 

2 minutes before 8.00 am. And I read the email from the course leader and tried to settle everything with my students. And that added more to my headache. 

😫😫😫😫

Bye. Need to use the loo right now. 

Tuk Tuk Thai Boat Noodle, Plaza Merdeka, Kuching

Last weekend we went to Plaza Merdeka. My cousin called me asking whether I had any plans on the evening. I was watching VIP 2 (VELAIILLA PATTADHARI) when she called. So I told her no, but if you want to go out, maybe around 5.30 pm. I wanted to finish the part 2 since I missed out the part 1 the day before. So later that evening, me, my cousins and my auntie went there.

Went to Borneo Time to fix our wrist watches. Gosh, I had this wrist watch for the past years ( I couldn't remember how many years), only to start wearing the watch since last Saturday (noted that today is Wednesday, October 30th 2019). Oh gosh, I just noticed that the watch is the Men's Edition. Hahahaha. WTH. But then it was a gift. So I just wear it. It looks nice on my wrist tho...

The design doesn't look manly since the color suits the lady more. 

Oh back to the makan-makan thing. We were looking for a place to eat and decided to try Tuk Tuk Thai Boat Noodle, since there were not many people there during the hours we were there (it located at an open space, the same level with the food court). Not quite sure what to expect, of course we were like will they taste as good as the one we had at D'Airiz Cafe or even Mango Tree.

These were the food that we ordered.

 Mango Salad

Steamed Fish Lemon Soup and Tomyam Mixed Seafood

Kangkong Thai Style

Thai Chicken Wing

And we had white rice. I ordered iced coffee for myself, my cousins Coca-Cola and orange juice while my auntie ordered iced lemon tea. And the food, boleh tahan. I like the steamed fish lemon soup because the fish didn't have any smells at all and it didn't taste sandy? They used tilapia fish. And you know this fish, if the fish was the one that they breed in the man made fish pool, it would smell and taste sandy. But this one so far, it didn't smell. Just like the eco fish set by Sugar Bun.

The rest of the food, they were ok. Everything tasted sour. Hahahaha. The base of Thai cooking of course you just could not leave out  the lime and lemon. That's the strength of their foods. Lime and lemon give that kind of fragrance in the food. That good and fresh smell.

Oh ya, and also peanuts add on to almost every vegetables. The crunchiness of the peanuts add more action to every bites. Hahahaha. Nice tho.

Done? Done!

Officially 33

Am putting this up since this is one of my latest photo I have on my phone.

 How much I have change since last year. I feel like am losing weight but I still look fat at the face area. 

Mehhhh

Happy birthday, Moon! Try to live well and enjoy your life as much as you can.

Heip! Thought to post something yesterday but instead of updating any, I choose to sleep. And ended up nothing was posted.

Yeay! after the hiep. Hahahaha.

Congratulation to myself for making way into 33 years old. Happy 33rd Birthday! Have a blast year!

I have no ideas on how much I have progress within a year since my last year's birthday. Many things happened and some still on-going.

Career wise seems ok.

Personal development is a little bit slow. Still trying to figure it out whether or not to pursue my study.

Relationship is ok and a bit slower. I guess as the age increases, the feeling of going out for socializing is getting decrease. I tend to spend my time at home rather than outside without any specific purposes. Feeling comfortable just by staying at home.

Still trying to figure it out too whether or not to go travel all by myself. I need to plan ahead. Japan is still on my list. I really want to go to Prague too.

I guess that's all for the updates. Nothing much, isn't it. I try to interact moderately with my friends since it's a little bit hard to spend times with them due to distant, time and also location. And also I feel like am spending more time with family other than the rest.

Last Monday my auntie's family celebrated my birthday. In advance. Cousin's wife booked a pretty nice cake. Even added on BTS to it. 😂😂😂😂😂

Mom also called to wish me. Hahaha. I knew it. The call made me happy. I went to see her the day before yesterday and had dinner at home.

Surprisingly my sister also Whatsapp me to wish me. I felt good.

Foster family, cousins, friends, office colleagues, thank you for all the wishes. I just hope that I will still breathing next year to celebrate another year.

Only got these photos from yesterday.

From cousin's wife

She told me she wanted to get the BTS themed cake but she was unsure on the design. Last resort, just got that BTS written down on the cake. 

Hahaha

By the way, the cake was great. 

She ordered from this bakery: https://www.facebook.com/dohmawaddah/

Do check out their Facebook page and instagram. 

From colleague Sylvia

Done?

Done.

Nope. Updated photos. The day after my birthday, on the 18th October was my uncle's birthday. My mom's youngest brother.
So he called me and asked whether I was able to come for dinner.
I said yes.
So we when to a seafood restaurant to have dinner and celebrated his birthday.
And mine too.
Again.
Hahahaha

Few of the dishes we ordered. Cucumber soup (not in the picture), salted veges soup, stir fried kailan with oyster sauce, prawn omelette, deep fried prawn tempura, chicken butter, stir fried mixed veges with oyster sauce, sweet sour deep fried grouper fish (not in the picture). And white rice for everyone of us. We had dinner first then blew off the candles after that.

Thank you, cousins and wives, and mom, and uncle and auntie, and also nephews for the night.

Done?

I guess so. Done!