I know right.... Keep on counting days, people.
What kind of motivation is this....😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏
I have no class on Friday this semester. My schedule this time a bit light.
I went through my Twitter media last week. And it came to me that I updated more photos and activities there than my Fb or here. I found my old photos. That 5-6 years ago photos.
Looking at those makes me miss to dance again. Or to be that slim again.😁😁😁😁😁😁😁
I know the "to be that slim again" thing is totally out of mind.
But seriously, although I was slim before this, I still felt that I was an overweight person. I have this issue with my weight since I was in school. It did and still affect my self esteem up until these days. And am constantly battling with it. No matter how many weights I lost, I still feel "big" and "heavy".
And whenever I scroll my old photos, I was like, "Owh, I never knew I was slim as that before. I never knew I was as small as that." Sort of things. During those times, I was like, am big, am heavy, am overweight, but the truth was I wasn't at all.
Sad, isn't it, when you are having a self esteem problem. To be honest, it makes me feel insecure. Sometimes. People would never expect this confession from me since my job covers it very well. My job pushes me to maximize. It does help me to be confident, but not that very confident.
Well, am still a human. Am not that perfect though.
I miss those friends. This was in 2012 when I was a teacher in an international school here in Kuching. Missing those moments. I didn't do contemporary. This was just a preparation for an event. We did traditional dance.
I remember when I attended the dance practice, the instructor observed me.
Since I told the instructor I didn't dance. And when we started practicing, he quickly caught me and saying, "You did dance before, didn't you?"
I was hesitated to confirm, but later I told him, yes.
See me in that yellow baju kurung. That was in 2006. And those times, I kept on saying am large, overweight, whereas I wasn't at all. How tricky the mind could be....
Looking at it now, am like, hhhmmmm😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒
I wasn't that active in dancing. I just did with purpose. From my school years, till university, till I work, I only dance for purpose. I didn't do it because I love it. I only did it when it requires me to.
To say am a dancer, that was not true at all. I have stage fright. One of the reasons why I didn't do dance seriously.
I joined a singing competition when I was in primary school. I was pushed by my teacher because she saw the potential in me. I could still remember I got dizzy when I focused my eyes towards the audiences. I managed to sing till the end. I won the first placed. I remember my uncle was so proud of me that he kept the medal like his own treasure.
I entered story telling competition at school, I got 4th placed because I stuttered half way. Felt like hell.
I was pushed by my teacher to enter oratory competition/ speech competition since my essay was chosen as the best one in the school. I knew this one girl from different school. She was my rival, for the competition. Everyone was talking about her. We became friends later after the competition. It was hard for her since she had not been challenged by anyone before this.
During the competition, I had no problem the first 10 minutes. And when I started to focused on the audiences and it made me panic. I was covered with sweat cold and felt dizzy. My sight got blurry, but I managed to stand still and delivered my speech. I won the first placed.
Thing got worst as the first placed got to represent the zone to the district level.
I had to represent our zone.
Even worst during the district competition. My stage fright ruined everything. I got panic. I mean, really panic that it just made me to stutter and I totally forgot my speech that I just tried to say everything that came into my mind. My speech was in a mess. Totally in a mess. All I could do was ended up my speech. Incompleted. My teacher was like, what happened.. Perhaps they won't understand if I told them. So, I just kept silent the whole time.
That was the worst during my primary school years.
The best part was Mathematics competition. All I had to do was sitting there and answer the test paper. I didn't have to deal with people/audiences.
I only dealt with paper.😃😃😃😃😃😃
I won the first placed for the zone level. From 30-50 students of different schools, I shone in the light.
God was being too good to me, I guess.
Am bad in dealing with people, but am totally good dealing with paper work.
I represented our zone to district level. I remember I went into the contest room twice. I managed to pass the first round out of hundred students. Went into the contest room to fight for the third place. I was aiming for the first place since they told us, whoever managed to secure the first place will get the chance to represent the country to the international competition in Jakarta, Indonesia. If and only we managed to pass the state level. It was fun. And I secured the third place. My teacher was happy. I was happy, and like always, my uncle was happy too. Hehehe
Sports? Only active in primary school. I did netball, badminton, volleyball. I was trained as a GS for the school netball team before. Then everything was crushed down since I had to move school into the rural area. Moved back to our village. From a small town into deep jungle. Where opportunities were very hard to find. But then, this rural school trained me for badminton. Still playing it till today whenever I have the chance.
*Saving the secondary school lives for next post*
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