It's never been said and never been done....

This one specially dedicated to you, J.W.....I couldn't even type your full name..I just don't want to...Three years, and I don't feel anything..Sometimes I really miss you and wishing you were still breathing...sometimes I totally forget you...and then the next thing I found was that obituary advert in the Today's Catholic..accidentally saw it..that morning I saw the paper on the seat inside the car but I just felt sooooo damn berat hati to take it and read the paper..but lastly, I just picked it up and turned to the first page, second page..and next next page till my eyes caught on something..It was your picture...Three years has passed, and I never expect to see it again...felt like crying at that time..really miss you sometimes..guess too much things that I've regretted before about us..I still could remember the last time we met..we just didn't talk..and the last thing I knew, you were standing right beside me, whispering something that none of us wanted to hear..

J.W. : " This will be the last time I'll speak to you..I know there is someone here doesn't want us to talk to each other, and you know who..."

And I was standing still, I couldn't move, susah nak bernafas..And I was about to cry..and you just walked away..and all I can do at that, I turned back and watching you leaving..tears on my face..I turned to the front and walked away too..and you were wearing red t-shirt and jeans....

Many months after the last time I saw you....
The next thing I found out..my friend all the way from Miri called me early in the morning just to tell me to check the newspaper...One week or two weeks after your enrollment to OUM, Mati lemas and mayat tidak dijumpai...and all I could do, baring di tilam and crying the whole day....waiting patiently for the latest news..After three days, they found you...

The most hardest part was the day of your funeral.. Ya, I attended your funeral..went to your last mass..I was crying at the mass..dari mula sampai they sent you to the grave..I just couldn't tahan my tears..I've tried but I couldn't....sad..very very sad....

It's never been said.....keeping it all to myself...just between you and me..
Since you have been gone, knowing the fact that you will never come back, I still dial and sms to your number, hoping that one day you will reply me..but you never did..I miss your calls, and I miss your sms, and I miss you too....I miss the way you sing, the way you play the guitar, drum at the BM Mass at St.Jo Cathedral..That's why I never go to that mass again...rasa sayu, and always ended up in tears...I miss everything about you..You will always in my memory.....keeping it all safely in my heart...

May you rest in peace, Will.......