~~Feeling

It's 17th December 2012 today.. I'm feeling a bit worry... Don't know why is everything so confusing now... Maybe because of yesterday or the day before yesterday... And I don't know how to tell everything.. Get so worry lately.. Have many things to think and to figure out before the new year comes... Ya I know, it's very hard for me to share anything as I prefer to keep it by myself... Sharing is caring??? Naahhhhh... not applicable in these modern days.... Bad, huh??? When I start to worry over something, I'll get nervous and some other time I'll feel like to puke... Aaarrggghhhhhh.. That's the worst state in my life.. I always get away from challenges in my life.. always get through no matter what.. I believe God is always be by my side to help me to get through everything.. I love you, God.. And no matter what happen always keep me close to you.. Career is always giving me these sort of feelings.. Look happy from the outside, but inside no one knows.. Who is the person on earth that is not worry about career?? Should be at this age I already have a steady career.. I can't be on a contract basis job all the time. In a long term, it will be a bit wasting of time for me.. Should or should not... Go or not going.... Dare to take the risk or just back off... I also don't know which one to choose. It's nearly Christmas.. I love Christmas.. Christmas never fails to keep me happy.. :)
 This time, I'll be celebrating in Kuching. Not going back to my village.. actually I prefer to be back to my own village but then because of certain reasons, can't go back this year. Perhaps after Christmas then can go back.. And it will be nice if everyone is back home, just like Gawai.. Gathering with aunties and uncles, with cousins, nieces, nephews... But this time it will be a bit quiet as my auntie just passed away about a month ago... Stopping tying for a few moments just take some ideas.. hahahahaha!!! Sometimes I just have so many things to say, but some other times, I just don't know how to type them out.. Ngeeeeeeeeeeee... And there I go, log in log out log in log out in out in out in out.... Still nothing.. Arrrghhhhhh.. Crossing finger and hoping for something to appear.. Dear God, don't give me hard times.. I'm afraid that I can't face it alone.....

~~10th November 2012

It's Saturday! Seriously, I feel a bit empty without school, without those kids... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..... What do you expect??? I've been with them for almost a year, for almost 12 hours per day, 5 days out of seven... Haaaaaaaaaaa.... Sad, of course.. But still hoping they will do their best in their studies. Life has to move on no matter what happen. Me too, need to move on. This is a life-cycle as an educator. You can tell that anything can happen.. Going to continue this later.. Need to go to fetch my cousin from work.

28th September 2012

This is my second attempt of typing something as I lost everything that I had typed just now.. Damn... Now I don't know what to tell.. Lost all the words.. Bad news or good news, I can't tell you which one.. A part of me felt the relieved of it, part of me telling me now it's time to work hard to find a new job.. Just like what I expected before, they didn't renew my contract.. So, ya that's it. What else to say...

Confession: I may not show it, but I feel something will be missing from my life.. Those students that I teach.. Believe it or not, I love them.. I may not show it as this is my job, teaching is teaching.. Being a part of those students is another side that I have to set a line... For almost a year I spent with them, I don't even have a proper social life.. That's the sacrifices that I have to make when I accept the job before.. Hopefully the students will continue to work hard next year. Hopefully they will do their best in their educations.. Gonna miss them.. :)

 Job: Haaaaaaaaaaaaa... Still eager to continue with my plan.. hehehe.. but again still not sure whether to do it or not... Hhhhmmmmm.... Let's wait within these three months.. Praying for the best.. I'm a believer. Put all my prayer and hope in God's hand... He knows the best for His children.. Amen. :)

Love life: Arrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh.... Seriously, I'm not ready for anything.. I just love my life now.. I don't want any commitment... Spending my time with family and friends because I missed most of my time to be with them before.. So this is the best time for me to spend my time to be them..

Social life: Oh-hooooooooo.. I love this part.. Clubs, cafes, restaurants.. That's where I spend most of my time with friends and family... Clubs on weekends.. During peak times like now where I have to prepare exam papers, I stop going to club.. Buzyyyyyyy..  Even to dine outside also I can't find the perfect time... Can't wait for holiday..

Reflect back... 8th September 2012.. Saturday...

I don't know why I got so emotional yesterday during sunset mass.. Everything went smooth until the very last mass where I broke into tears... I couldn't help it.... The feeling and the things that happened, it's already a year but it seemed that I couldn't get rid everything from me.. Looking at where I used to sit during mass with him, it just robbed my heart away.. And the question where did we do wrong always appear in my mind and I just can't get any answer for the question.. but God knows what is the best for me.. And with faith, I trust in Him as He will lead my way... Believe that everything happens for a reason, give thanks for everything.. bad things never come from God.. Good things come from God, bad things happen because of human faults.. I always remember those to keep me strong and be tough in my heart.. Sometimes I seemed lost in my life, but most of the time, I will get my way back to God.. And I am very thankful for He is always there for me to guide me whenever I need him to be there.. without doubt.. Maybe that's why I broke into tears in the church yesterday.. Thank you for everything You have given to me, dear Lord... I may not understand everything but I give and trust my life and my destiny in You, God.....

The Man Who Sold The World....

My favorite......

Whenever I feel down, I listen to this song.. It helps to lift up my mood... I just smile when I listen to Kurt Cobain, especially when he played that lead guitar... Sound PERFECT to my ear.. He did it better than the original singer on this song.. :)

We passed upon the stair, we spoke in was and when Although I wasn't there, he said I was his friend Which came as a surprise, I spoke into his eyes I thought you died alone, a long long time ago Oh no, not me We never lost control You're face to face To The Man Who Sold The World I laughed and shook his hand, and made my way back home I searched for a foreign land, for years and years I roamed I gazed a gazeless stare, we walked a million hills I must have died alone, a long long time ago Who knows? Not me I never lost control You're face to face With the Man who Sold the World Who knows? not me We never lost control You're face to face Of the Man who Sold the World

~ One Direction ~

Ya ya ya ya.. Hahahaha!!! This boy band reminds me of A1... Oh, I was so into that band before.. This song was one of my favorite when I was still in high school...