Aissshhhh. Hahahaha. I know right.. Owh why did I start with that sigh? I shouldn't do that. Well, I guess I'll be sharing my work here with you. To give a glimpse of what I've been through, what I feel and everything. I mean, maybe not everything, just a glimpse.
Alright, talking a little on my job. I work as a tutor in a private college here in my beloved city, Meow-Meow city. Heheheee. This college is also one of the regional centres for this particular private university in my country. In my country. Heh. I prefer to be called "tutor" although students sometimes noted me as "lecturer" They are not supposed to call me "lecturer" since I don't have Master Degree yet. I don't even have any publish or unpublished research yet. Well, life, that's life.
Here I tutoring on core subjects and also those who are doing major Mathematics. Hah. I graduated with a degree Bachelor of Education (Hons), majored in Mathematics and elective Commerce: Entrepreneurship, Principle of Management and Human Resource Management. Back then I kept on thinking to not be a teacher or landed in teaching field, so the elective subjects I took could save me a little. But still I ended up teaching.
So far, work is ok. For now there are only me and another tutor tutoring for major Mathematics here. Problem? Yup, especially me, I guess. There are certain things I really need to help myself. And if I really need help, I just turn to my colleague for help. And if he cannot help, I have to help myself. So, I tutoring myself before I tutoring my students. Hahahaha. Quite a lot of things to do. I know. But then, that's the only way. So far, I got through everything smoothly. I guess my will to master things is more powerful than anything else.
This job makes me feel comfortable. Am comfortable with the workloads and everything since we have to follow the requirements of contact hours provided by the ministry. One of the reasons I never want to go back and teach in school is the workloads. Since, I don't have interest to teach in school, it makes thing go harder for me too.
The salary, yup, of course there are many benefits when it comes to being a school teacher especially in government schools. I can't cope with it since I only love the salary. But not anymore. Since I started teaching in schools from 2010 to 2012, I've decided not to go back there again. Experiences really taught me alot. How to weigh between money, time, flexibility, sincerity, responsibility, comfortably, and etc.
I earned a lot when I was a school teacher, but I could not recall I'm being happy with the job. Although I love the money, the environment, the colleague, the students, I love them all. But I didn't love the job. With all those, I still feel like am missing something. My soul was empty. Just a month after I ended my contract with the school in the end of December 2012, I got the job am doing now.
Guess what? I love it. I don't feel any pressure. And feeling comfortable with almost everything. That's when I realized maybe my place is in higher institution.
And since the government is looking for suitable candidates to fill the position "Teacher" for my beloved state, I didn't go for the interview although my name was listed. I chose sincerity towards the job above all. I chose comfortable and flexibility towards permanent position with great benefits and salary.
I may regret it when am old, I just don't know. That's what some of my friends and people keep on telling me when I didn't turn up for the interview. They keep on telling me that I ditched such a great opportunity whereas others are trying hard to get the opportunity.
Why should I compare myself to other people? What makes you think you have the right to compare my decision to them? I shut my ear, blocking their words from poisoning me. I know what am doing. I don't make decisions without thinking on my long-term planning. But I know one thing, I need to be sincere to myself. If I don't do that and just go with what others telling me to do, one day I will end up destroying my self, my soul. Do you how much burden you have to take on doing things that you cannot give your heart to? I realized it earlier than the rest. Now I understand when people telling you to do things following your heart, not your brain. It just a matter whether you dare to move and stick to your decision, or you just give up listen to what others tell you. The choice is in your hand.
I'll be 30 years old this coming October. I guess, it's true when they say your life begins when you are entering your 30's. This is just the beginning. I hope I will have more great news to share with you in these coming years. I pray that my faith and believe on everything I did and do will bring me closer to the right path of my life. It will never be easy, that's for sure. But in the end, I hope to share with you good news.
I hope anyone of you who come across this entry and read it are doing the same there too. Believe in yourself, and just do it. I hope you will and can bring more goods to the people. One thing, it may not be you who will taste the goodness in your past decision, it can be your next generations. If God's willing, you will receive in whatever God's ways of showing them.
Dare You To Move
(From YouTube)
Dare You To Move
(From YouTube)
P/s: As for me, being an educator does not necessarily you being a teacher in schools. This field is larger than what you think of. Exploration is an important step.
