I am.. The way I am.

I guess I'm too good in giving others' advice. Without taking it for my own good. I guess all of us does that. I keep most to myself. I've been raised in that manner. Sharing the good to the people surrounding, spreading the positiveness but keeping all the saddest things by myself and never show it no matter what happen. I guess it helps me to be strong and have a good faith no matter, bad or good thing happen to me. It keeps me and helps me to grow from time to time. But then, once I've been crushed down, it is always hard for me to get back on my knees. It's a bit tough for me to stand tall again. I really take my time to do so. 

Now, am holding onto this, cry a little or cry as long as you want but never forget to stand back again. Kneel and cry and complaint everything to God, cry and pray, and make sure to get back on your feet again. 

And wa-la! I really did that sometimes. I cry, I pray and I stand back again. We need those times regardless how strong you are in the inside. In fact, we need some little times for us to cry a bit. To let go your tears a bit. We really need it. In short, we do need the alone moment for us to reflect back our doings.

For me, I do believe in God. He listens to whatever you ask for, listens to whatever you tell Him. You just need that faith to keep on listening to His call. He lets things happen according to His ways, not yours. 

Sometimes, it seems He fulfills yours, sometimes it seems like He is letting the bad things happen to you. And for me, if it's bad, that will be your lesson. Learn from it. Bad things happen for a reason. And the reason is always for you to learn something. Learn to make things better than before. 

Today. September 7th, 2015

Today. Thinking about life. Life or lives? Always get mixed up. English is weaken at the lowest. Ha???

I have many things running inside my head now. And yet, I keep it silence. At the deepest part of my brain. Perhaps heart. I'm going through the journey of my life. And yet I'm not sure whether I'm on the right path. At this age, almost entering my 30's, I should know whatever I want to do. But still, I'm in confuse. 

It looks like I'm doing things that I want to do, but actually not. I don't count the times I'm whining on the career or my jobs, but I guess it happens all the time whenever I get the chance to whine about it.

And it does make me look so ungrateful. Deep inside, I do feel grateful but I'm not open up to my path now. I'm sincere but not fully sincere. I guess. I'm stuck in the word responsibility. I know my responsibility. If I'm going to do whatever I want to do, I may end up crushing few people's hopes on me. Lame, haaa.. But it's the truth. 

For whatever reasons, I hope I'll be able to do well and keep on doing the very best I can. We may not get what we want, but God always gives us the one that we need. I truly believe this. 

The next plan to make it into reality is to further my study. Still planning on it. If there are nothing coming in my way, perhaps will enroll myself in September 2015. It's one of the things in my to-do lists. I learn sign language, and I'm done. I bought a car, and I'm done. Few things are already done. I'm making use of my time to fulfill whatever the things I wanted to do.Getting a home is impossible for now. In progress of building a home with my mom and hopefully it can settle before the end of next year. 

And I need to go somewhere, to a place where I always dream to be. I'm keeping it and hopefully will be getting there before I reach 33 years old. I'm keeping it here so that I have something to remind me of that dream. JAPAN. As beautiful as the 5 words. Heh.