Keep Living

Yesterday was worst.

You know, that feeling, where it feels hard to breathe, feel choked... And you just could not describe exactly how you feel? I didn't know whether I was sad, or happy or whatever feelings or emotions you named it... Nothing. Just nothing.

I just staying quiet and let them run on my mind. Felt chaotic. It just felt like people roaming running freely on my mind. And none of them could define what exactly they want.

I laid down on bed and didn't even move. I was stuck. I changed my dp on my IG. 

You know that photo I always use whenever I feel suffocating, when I feel lost. I changed to it. 

That I Don't Want To Live and Yet I Don't Want To Die feeling.....

 

Second Day of January 2024

Helllooooooooooo 2024!!!!!!!!!!!

Today's thought: Focus and smile. Sneezing all the way😁😁😁

Am trying to update at least per line per day. Without much things to add on. Seriously life had been tough last year, hopefully this year, things will get better. It was a roller coaster ride.

Wish and hope for the best.🙏🙏🙏

July 2022

Back here for few minutes.

Still considering to delete this blog. But I will need to download all materials here before I permanently delete this page. I don't think I will continue to write here since it's hard for me to spare my time doing something else. I even deleted my Wattpad, I think so. 

Things have been more or less the same like previous years. If one day you could not find this page, know that I have already delete it. 

Thank you, strangers, for dropping by this page. May blessing be with you always.

2021

I guess it's still not to late for me to wish Happy New Year 2021 to all of you who come across this blog. Ya, am alive, living well, pretty well, I guess. And it's the month of Lent.

I haven't been here since the last time where I posted on the passing of my father. Mmmm.. Not gonna lie to you, I miss him. I miss to have conversations with him where I could talk anything to him, from politics to entertainment to relationship, literally any topics. And the feeling whenever I pass by Serian on my way back to Tebedu, I would be like, oh ok, my father is here, in Serian. The feeling that you know you have someone there... But now whenever I go back to Tebedu, the moment I pass by Serian, I would be like, things changed, father is not here anymore. But my sister and her kids are here. I just know she is here, oh I have someone here. And when I feel like to stay for an hour or two, I would call her up for a meet up. Come let's go lunch together before I head up to Tebedu. Normally I would do that when my father was around. But now not anymore. Instead of my father, my sister is here. The atmosphere is still the same, it just that the person has already change.

Naaa.. Am typing on my phone, while lying down on my bed. Feel the urge to write but like usual, I just have piles of things on my mind, in my heart, and yet I couldn't pour them all. 

Work goes well, so far. Everything goes online. Do you know how hard it is to teach calculations without seeing your students face? I feel like I've gone crazy especially when I try to explain to them step by step, one by one. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

You know what, the best thing when typing on the phone for a post here is that I can literally put emojis without checking them. But am not sure how they will look like on Web view.

I have piles of photos to upload, but I found new platform to post them up. Instagram! Gosh talking about Instagram, this is my second one after I deleted the first account and I don't follow people I know, I put it on private mode, and I literally scan whomever that send request to follow. You see, people know my Facebook, they know my Twitter, and perhaps this blog too, so I try to have private platform for me to roam around without people knowing me. I have a private Twitter, which I put on private mode too. That makes two private accounts, my insta and my other Twitter. Those places where I can just be free without worrying about people knowing me and talk shit about me. 😂😂😂

There are many things running on my mind right now. Since this work from home, I couldn't sleep well at night, I tend to get emotional. And I don't know who to talk to, whom to trust.. 

So I keep everything to myself. 

I went back to my hometown on the Ash Wednesday. Went back for three nights. It was my first time to celebrate back there after many years in the city. Since the church limited the number of people attending the mass, the Catechist went from home to home to distribute the ashes. I was like in the middle of cooking for breaking fast on that day when the Catechist came knocking on the door to distribute the ashes. 

Photo? 😂😂😂

Sorry for this messy look, messy hair. Definitely no edit, no filters and everything. I present to you, Moon, with naked face, with messy hair and messy look. 

Why did I look terrible here
Owh my hair
I guess that's how you supposed to look like after battling with cooking in the kitchen. 
🤣🤣🤣

OK-bye! Don't laugh, stop laughing. If you laugh at the photo, you will get diarrhoea the next day. 
😂😂😂😂😂

My father passed away

 It took me a while to come back here. 

This time I started it off with the news of my father's passing. He passed away on the 8th June 2020. Got a called from my cousin telling me that, and my brother called me to inform me the same news too. 

May his soul rest in peace. 

Thank you to everyone who offered their helps to our family on that day. 

Thank you for all the kind words.

In loving memory of Jimmy Adit

01/December/1955 - 08/June/2020

This was his last post for the column on New Sarawak Tribune. 

I'm gonna keep it here for a record. 

https://www.newsarawaktribune.com.my/a-day-of-plain-truth/

And these were posts written by his colleagues for him.

Thank you for the remembrances. 

https://www.newsarawaktribune.com.my/my-right-arm-has-been-cut-off/

https://www.newsarawaktribune.com.my/truly-a-painful-loss/

Thank you, everyone.

Friday food on Lent

Happy belated Easter, everyone!

I don't know how to describe my Lent.
I noticed that I was still lacking on certain parts especially when it comes to pray. That's so me.
Gosh, tried to add emoji, but the emojis won't upload because my internet connection is weak.
Life is good. Hopefully it will be good all the way till the end of 2020.
There are flaws too, I just couldn't deny. And I don't want to talk about it.
But, mmm, we'll get thru it. I'll get thru it eventually. I hope it goes the same with you too.
Optimism booster is at the max.

My anak tekak meminta kopi dari tadik. I already have 500ml iced coffee this morning. Am in the midst of trying to reduce my coffee intake, but it doesn't seem to work.
I tried, I failed. Repeat. Now, am giving it a try. Again.

Today, am gonna upload all my Friday menu during Lent. Abstinence and fasting. Except for I didn't take any photos of my food that I had during Ash Wednesday. I didn't eat anything. Just had water all the way.

Let's start!

This time I won't be translating the dish menu. Google if you want to know their names in English. If you need the recipe, email me.

First Friday

Fried bean curd, tempoyak goreng and sayur cangkuk manis goreng telur

Second Friday

Sayur sawi pahit goreng ikan bilis and fried chili fish

Third Friday

Sayur midin goreng belacan, sayur paku uban rebus halia and fried fish

Fourth Friday

Kasam daun ensabi (local kimchi), ikan bilis goreng kicap, sayur timun masak manis, sambal belimbing tunjuk, daun bandung goreng, and fried chicken for the family (since the rest of family members are Muslims, am the only Catholic here. Hehehe)

Fifth Friday

Iced coffee and rice with kari ikan pari

Owh no vegetables since the kari already contain vegetables (eggplants and carrots)

Dinner on fifth Friday

French toast

Sixth Friday

Rice with kicap pedas Mahsuri, fried egg and mixed vegetables

Good Friday!

Yeay!

This time, I didn't cook. These were all ordered foods from my favorite restaurant.

Thank you, After 4 Four Kopitiam!

After Four bean curd special, sayur cangkuk manis goreng telur, sweet and sour fish fillet, and Thai fried chicken fillet for the rest of family members

During Fridays on Lent I normally had one full meal with no meats. It would be lunch or dinner. Then, the rest of the day, I just took lots of water and had something light.
Well, this year Lent was tough. The celebration also was so different than last year.
Covid-19 has changed everything including our lifestyle, our norms. Literally everything.
Hopefully things will get better soon. Pray for everyone safety.

Owh, extra extra. I only managed to make these two during Lent.

Sweet corn castard

Mee pok goreng kerang

Ok. Bye!